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It just Never Works to Wear Someone Else’s Nylons

This is a story about nylons or as some call them pantyhose. If you have never worn these before, they are sheer, close-fitting leg wear that usually cover from the waist to the toe. They cover my glow-in-the dark skin, as well as many other imperfections – so I wear them. 
Years back after my fifth child was born, I was self-conscious about my so called figure, or you might say, my too much of a figure. I would like to blame it on the fact that all five of my children came ‘through the window’ as we call cesarean births around our house, but many other women have c-sections, lots more babies and still somehow manage to look like models.
My mother happened to call one day when I was really beating myself up for having rolls of ‘baby fat’, that were not on the baby. I whined to her, ‘Why could I not have forty pound babies because then I would only have to lose five to ten pounds’.
Moms are always vigilant to try to ‘fix’ everything, so she offered me some very special nylons. She would purchase a pair for me like hers and put them in the mail immediately. These were ‘magic’ and would suck it all in, though I kept wondering where it all went; it is a law of physics you know that matter has to go somewhere.
The package came in the mail containing the almost supernatural pantyhose. I decided I would wear them to church the next Sunday, hoping this would solve my issue of wanting to continually compare myself to every other woman in the building (yes, I am shallow and very human).
Sunday morning came, and taking the nylons out of the new packing they looked extremely small and those ‘magic’ nylons were most difficult to put on. I pulled and tugged and stuffed ‘matter’ into and around anywhere I could, struggling just to get those things up to my waist. I called mom to ask her if this was how they were supposed to be. She reassured me that yes, that’s why they were ‘magic’ and would make me look amazing.
Off to church.
I happened to have the job of conducting a group of adults and children through the music time, talks and so forth. About half way through the allotted time, I walked to the front to announce more of the outlined program as I had been assigned to do. As I stood in front of the group, all of the sudden I felt a snap of sorts and realized the ‘magic’ nylons had lost their battle with my ‘matter’ and the waist band was now at my thighs! I knew I could not move, much less sit down again, so as the chorister came forward to lead the group in singing and the pianist began to play, I sidled over to the piano and stood with my knees tightly together, while also trying to keep my feet apart to appear natural looking, terrified anyone would realize my nylons were threatening to come all the way down to my ankles!
Next, time for the talks. By now everyone was looking at me, some with a bit of confusion and some with a bit of annoyance that I never sat or moved from the piano which was towards the back of the room, even when I announced the next item on the agenda. I did not know the hands on the clock could freeze for time.
Mercifully the hour came to a close. I dismissed everyone with a forced smile and walking like a penguin, which I am sure got some laughs, as I waddled by and made my way to the restroom as quickly as I could to remove the dreadful pantyhose.
I called mom that night and asked her about her ‘magic’ nylons and telling her my story. She was laughing so hard she was crying. She kept saying over and over ‘they worked for me’.
The light bulb, dim as it is, went off in my head. My mom is maybe 5’ 2” and I am 5’ 10” and the pounds allowed for the size of nylons she brought me, were not near what I needed compared to what she needed.
From that day till now when I start to compare myself with someone else, I try remember ‘she just wears a different size of nylons’. All nylons perform the same function and can be useful, but distinctive brands, colors, types, etc. are necessary for different needs. We all have the capacity to love, nurture, help, encourage, do good works and serve, just maybe in a way that is unique and wonderful to us.
With all my heart I believe we are all here at this time for a very special purpose. It is our goal to find what we need to learn and how to be better, while remembering that we wear nylons that fit our situation, circumstances and life at the moment. No one is the same, nor meant to be. Let’s embrace our exceptional and irreplaceable personalities and be a bit better today than yesterday.
Copy­right Car­rie Grone­man, A Mother’s Shadow, 2013
Rec­og­nize a bless­ing and be a bless­ing today


  • Lori @ A Bright and Beautiful Life says:

    Thank you, Carrie. Once again you’ve woven a laugh-out-loud story with a great life lesson.

  • Oh no! haha.
    My youngest was also a Csection and we say he “came out the front door.” Which I never thought he paid any attention to…he is 3 and it isn’t like a regular topic of conversation, you know? Well the other day he said “I came out front door?” haha. Yes, yes you did honey.

  • Diane Roark says:

    This is the funnest post I have read ever read. I was laughing out loud this morning while my kids are eating breakfast. They all think I lost my mind.
    Thank you so much for stopping by and linking up at Wonderful Wednesday blog hop.
    I am PINNING THIS!!!
    Blessings and have a great day!
    Diane Roark

  • Stacy B says:

    What a great thought! It’s so easy to compare ourselves to others, this is a great reminder! Thanks for the giggle.

  • jody says:

    This is great, I love it! Sharing to my fb page!

  • Rachelle says:

    It is always hard to learn not to compare our selves to others when we are bombared with it iin the media. What a woulderful lesson and post. Thank you for being honest and sharing it with the world. It is nice to see some not so perfect bloggers out here.

  • Jill F. says:

    Oh my! I was definately laughing now, but I could really feel for you while it was happening. Such a memorable way to not compare ourselves to others. Thanks for joining the Thumping Thursday bloghop.

  • What a great and hilarious story~ I had a pair of “magic” nylons once…..I haven’t thought of those nylons in years!! Thanks~ Lynn @ Turnips 2 Tangerines

  • What a funny story, Carrie! I have had the nylons that roll down over your hips and down your thighs as well and the feeling of impending doom is terrible! Once I was in the grocery store when it happened and I had to slip into an empty aisle to fix them. Only later did I think about the security cameras overhead! I’ve banned them from my wardrobe since. Thanks for a great start to the day.

  • Dearest shallow, very human, wonderfully hilarious and lovely Carrie,
    I love this story, I could just picture every moment of your undoing – it was a laugh out loud post, you write so well.
    May you always go through life with the right size nylons from now onwards! 😉
    Have a great week, lovely to have meet you
    Wren x

  • Thanks so much for sharing them with Wednesday’s Adorned From Above Link Party.
    Have a great week.
    Debi and Charly @ Adorned From Above

  • Nicole says:

    (I like this version better than the other one- it’s funnier) 🙂 Thanks for the laugh and for posting to Let’s Get Real!

  • This is so funny, but terrifying as well! I had this happen with a bra once in the middle of a busy store, one of the straps broke and I need those straps. I hurried as fast as I could to finish up and checkout. Eeeek!

  • Sheryl Groneman says:

    Oh Carrie, That Is Hilarious! I Once Had a Pair Of Those “Magic” Nylons, &AlsoCouldNotKeepThem Up! They Got thrownOut AfterTheFirstUse!

  • shobelyn says:

    Hahaha love it. My two kids are c sections too.

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