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Dance Asking & Answering and Dating Etiquette

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High School Dances:  Ideas of how to ask & answer and a little lesson on date etiquette.

My daughter Delsi helped me create this list for an activity for mothers and daughters, which gives fun ideas of how to ask and answer for school dances and a very helpful list for date etiquette. I hope you find this useful and have a fabulous fun-filled year!

I have many links at the end of this post to help you with things such as:  group activity ideas, conversation starters, why even go on a date, a very cool & useful slip pocket so you can keep your phone and $ with you (important girls!),  an article on friends vs FRIENDS and other interests I hope will help.  Let me know if there is something you would like me to cover!

DANCES – Ideas for asking and answering for High School Dances


  • Ask with a puzzle. Put it together, flip it over and write on the back, then take it apart and put it back in the box with a note that a question or the answer is ‘in the box’.
  • In chalk, on the driveway, draw and write a cross word puzzle to ask or answer.
  • Write the asking or answering, cut it up and put each piece in a different balloon. Fill each balloon with helium or just blow up for the person being asked to pop.
  • Using trail reflectors, send the person on a ‘bear hunt’, with way-points (can even have pictures of bears) for different clues that lead to the end question or answer.  Have cinnamon bears or a teddy grahams or a toy at the end or at way-points.
  • Make an excel spreadsheet. At each correctly answered test question, a letter will appear. The letters spell out the question of asking or the answering.
  • Bake a key in a brownie or cake. Give the person being asked, or answered, the brownie or cake and a locked box. The key opens the box with the answer or asking inside.
  • For a guy asking a gal, give (have it doorbell ditched or left in the home) a doll with the note: How about getting all DOLLED up and going to the dance with me?
  • A note with a stuffed bear/gummy bears /cinnamon bears: “I’d be BEARY happy to go to the dance with you.” Or ‘I’d be BEARY happy if you would go to the dance with me.”
  • With a treat of any kind: “It would be a TREAT to go to the dance with you”, or “It would be a TREAT if you would go to the dance with me.”
  • In the outside of a box of donuts – Please doNOT say no to my question …. and ask to dance on note inside box.
  • Candy bar poster to ask or answer. Candy in place of certain words on a poster.
  • Decorate their house door, BUT be careful not to harm paint, etc.
  • If the ‘asker’ can get inside the ‘askees’ locker, decorate the inside with candy/flowers and a poster that asks the question if that person would go to the dance with him/her. In the dot at the bottom of the question mark, put the askers’ picture.
  • Send the person being asked or answered on a scavenger hunt going thru a neighborhood, the mall or to different homes (be polite and prearrange with the people who are kind enough to be involved), gathering clues along the way with a treat and message at the end.

Tips for Parents of DATING Sons or Daughters – Dating Etiquette

It is a good thing to discuss this topics with your teen and see how you both feel on these issues.  It’s best to have a foundation of where you both agree before a situation happens.  This gives your teen times to think things over and you a chance to maybe share an experience or two from your dating years. 

  • If you son or daughter has already been asked to the dance (unless the person asking first is  dangerous and that does not include the perceived danger to their popularity) it is classy and proper to go with the first one to ask. If they are asked by someone after already making a commitment for the dance, have them say they unfortunately cannot go with a treat, flower, etc., but would like to at a future dance/date.  They will be respected highly for this, as the person who is ‘turned-down’ will know why, and that they will have the same treatment when they ask first.  Word gets around quickly of how your teen handles this situation.
  • Look around and ask someone who may not have ever gone to a dance, or never asked to a girls/boys choice.  This can truly be life changing for the other person, letting them know they are valuable and wanted in a group.  I always encouraged my kids to ask someone, at least once during the year or during their high school time, to do this. 
  • Teach your son, or daughter, that even if they go to the dance (or on a date) with someone they are not as interested in,  it is so important to STILL be gracious and POLITE. That person is spending money, time and energy on your teen. The date should have an attitude of respect towards your son or daughter, of being NICE and not a jerk for the rest of their life.  Other people will be watching also, to know if they want to risk the same treatment.
  • In one of my kids groups a young lady asked a young man who was extremely popular and I wondered how this would work out.  She was cute, but not ‘drop-dead-gorgeous’ as other girls I knew this young man had gone out with.  Being involved all day with the group, from the day activity to the dinner and afterwards for dessert, I witnessed first-hand the situation.   I have the highest admiration for that young man!  You would have thought he was out with a super model with the way he paid attention to her, helped her with the activities and was genuinely nice the entire time.  They never went out again, but for that night, she was the bell of the ball, and treated as such.
  • Be sure you make it clear they are not to switch dates at the dance/date! They go with the person who asked them, and pay attention to their date all night. It’s only right.

  • Don’t talk about other guys or girls on your date. That’s major jerkyness!
  • Young ladies, don’t split up, segregating into a girls section. You are on a date, NOT a girls- night- out at the expense of someone else.
  • Be appropriate in your behavior and kind to everyone in the group – that is EVERYONE!
  • Parents talk to your daughter about the ‘door-step’ scene and how they can best handle the situation, and what your expectations are. Girls, do NOT have this conversation with other girls in front of your date or guys in the group, it’s awkward for them.  A handshake, hug (not body mashing), or just a thank you is what you should be discussing BEFORE the date.
  • When going to a restaurant, order an average priced menu item, or the same item your date does. Do not be rude and try to bust his/her budget.


Teach your sons and daughters table manners!!! Including:

  1. Do not eat with your mouth open
  2. Do not talk with your mouth full of food.
  3. Men open doors, pull out chairs, etc., and ladies let them do it.   It is NOT a sign of weakness to have manners!
  4. While in the subject of table manners, please, please, please do not chew gum.  Very few, if any, are capable of chewing gum without popping, snapping, chomping and looking a wee bit ‘cowish’.  It’s annoying and not flattering.  Breath mints however ARE flattering. 
  • Help your daughter find a dress (or modify it) that is modest.  Modesty is extremely attractive!  It is awkward and embarrassing for a young man when he thought the girl would dress appropriately; yet found otherwise when picking her up.  Seriously consider that you are advertising by how you dress.  I have 3 sons and 2 daughters. And from many years of experience and watching all the young men and women come through my life as friends of my kids, the girls appreciate when the other girls in the group are dressed modestly because of the atmosphere it creates.  And the guys appreciate it, though guys may not always act it, because they can tell how much self confidence a girl has when she doesn’t feel she has to ‘advertise’ with skimpy clothing and showing cleavage and all leg.  It’s so attractive to a guy when he sees she knows she has more to offer than just her looks, which leads to respect and friendship; the basis of all good relationships.
  • When your son is asked to a girls dance, if you feel it appropriate, have him give her a flower or small box of candy when she picks him up as a small thank you. If your daughter is asked, a small box of candy is appropriate to thank her date. It shows appreciation that another would consider taking them to the dance. This goes a long way to teach gratitude in many areas of life.
  • Do NOT be forward! Do not try to hold hands or hug if the other isn’t interested.
  • Do not dance suggestively!  Again it just ‘advertises’ a person who dances inappropriately has little to offer, and make the others in the group/date uncomfortable.
  • Profanity, crude jokes and language are overheard by many.  My daughters would turn down dates with guys after hearing them talk in such a manner, and likewise my sons would not ask girls out they overheard them talking ‘like a sailor’.   It is not impressive, but degrading.
  • Let your date, their parents and yours, know the plans for the activities, times, cell numbers and locations for the night’s events. Providing an itinerary is very appreciated by parents and your date beforehand so they know how to prepare, what to dress for (it’s is not fun for a girl who is wearing heels to find out they are going on a long hike after leaving her house for the date – yikes!) and time expected for the date to start and end.  Also, it provides safety, just in case.

Live by the Golden Rule:   Do Unto Others as you would have Them Do Unto You and you will build a great reputation and wonderful friendships.

More Teen Interests:

Dating & Conversation Starters


Are We On A Date?

Dating 2






Click Here for ‘dress to impress’

Click Here for  a very useful slip pocket – GIRLS, seriously, you NEED THIS and it can be adapted for any length of dress.

Click Here for help in organizing your room

Click Here about ‘friends’ and FRIENDS

Think about safety when dating PLEASE! click HERE for some valuable tips






Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2013, 2015

Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today.

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  1. Danitra says:

    Lol! Going with the “first to ask” sounds way too familiar!!!! :/ Great advice and tips.

  2. Jennifer says:

    Thank you- my son just asked a young lady to his High School Sweethearts dance (first date ever). He is nervous and asked me for some advice on making a good impression, I loved all your ideas. I will definitely be sharing your tips with him. Many Thanks!

  3. This is great info, my little on is only 6 but I think it’s still important to formulate how to deal with dating long before it ever happens. My little man asked recently if he could have a girlfriend because he knows someone his age that has one, of course I told him no that he would have to wait until he was about 18. As unnerving as it is to think about him dating, I think it’s sweet that he talks about being married. I definitely want to teach him the points that you laid out. Your daughter is very beautiful, especially in her modest dress! Thanks!

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