Asking and Answering to High School Dances

Help Me! It’s Time For The Dance, Now What Do I Do?

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Part 3

Think about your clothing

  • Girls remember to choose shoes wisely and have your dress hemmed accordingly; you don’t want to trip over it all night.  
  • You are going to be in those shoes aallooonnnggg time that day and or night.  Keep that in mind when you pick them out.  Shoes like these below are cute, but not easy to dance, or walk in very long! If you do get blisters, use a piece of moleskin on the sore.  You can see it HERE
    Dating asking and answering

    Dating asking and answering

  • Girls, use body tape to keep blouses or tops in place and not revealing.  Also great for a quick hem fix. This tape is amazing and a must. Find it HERE

Modesty, however, is extremely attractive! 

  • PLEASE find a dress (or modify it) so it is modest. Little dresses are not enough to cover the subject in my humble opinion…

It is awkward and embarrassing for a young man when he expects his date will dress appropriately; yet finds otherwise when picking her up.  Seriously consider that you are advertising by how you dress.  I have 3 sons and 2 daughters. And from many years of experience and watching all the young men and women come through my life as friends of my kids, the girls appreciate when the other girls in the group are dressed modestly because of the atmosphere it creates.  The guys appreciate it, and can easily see how much self-confidence a girl has, when she doesn’t feel that she has to ‘advertise’ her body, as all that she has to offer – is skimpy clothing.  This leads to respect and friendship; the basis of all great relationships.


Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering

  • To the young men being asked to a girls preference: When you are asked to a dance, if you feel it appropriate, give a her or small box of candy when she picks you up as a small thank you.
  • To the young ladies being asked to a guys preference: When you are asked to a dance, if you feel it appropriate, give a small box of candy to your date when he picks you up as a small thank you.

Such as:  HERE is one idea, and HERE is another, and HERE, and so many more if you type in ‘thank you’.

It shows appreciation to that person that they would go to the expense and effort to take you to the dance. This goes a long way in showing gratitude, which comes out more naturally in other aspects of your life as you practice it here.


  • Do NOT be forward! Meaning, do not try to hold hands or hug, etc, etc, etc, if the other is not interested.
  • Do not dance suggestively!  Doing so, only ‘advertises’ that person has little to offer, and make the others in the group/date uncomfortable.
  • Profanity, crude jokes, and language are overheard by many.  My daughters would turn down dates with guys after hearing them talk in such a manner. Likewise, my sons would also not ask girls out after they overheard them talking ‘like a sailor’.   It is not impressive but degrading.

You Do NOT want to be remembered by your date, or others in the group like this-

Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering


  • Let your date, their parents and yours, know the plans for the activities, times of events, cell numbers (at least yours if not others in the group) and locations for the night’s events. Providing an itinerary is very appreciated by parents and your date beforehand so they know how to prepare.  Such as how to dress for (it’s is not fun for a girl who is wearing heels to find out they are going on a long hike after leaving her house for the date – yikes!), what time to expect the date to start and end; all those details.  Besides being just plain considerate, it provides safety.

Girls, here’s a VERY useful tip:

  • I created a post that gives very simple step-by-step instructions on how to make a temporary pocket on your slip.  This will go under your dress to hold a cell phone, some money, your lipstick, maybe a credit card, your car key if you drove and a few needed items.  Ladies, you never, EVER want to be left in a compromising situation, and not having control of your phone, your car key if you drove, money, puts you in a possible dangerous situation if you do not know your date well….or even if you do! Gals I know you don’t want to carry a purse and will often times give your things to your date, which is not a good idea.  So this will allow you to carry them effortlessly, not matter the length of your dress, since it goes on your slip, to keep you safe.  Check it out HERE

Finally: You will want to remembered as a good person and someone others want to be around.  If you live by the Golden Rule:   Do Unto Others as you would have Them Do Unto You, then you will build a great reputation and wonderful friendships.  So enjoy this time of your life by being smart, staying safe and make good choices. 

I have awesome printables for ASKING AND ANSWERING TO DANCES and a Dating CHEAT SHEET to make dances AWESOME!

Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2013, 2018

Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today.

Pictures courtesy of Pixabay

More Teen Interests:

Part 1: How To Make Going To A High School Dance Painless




Part 2:  It’s Time For The Dance And Anxiety Has Arrived!





Asking and Answering to High School Dances

It's Time For The Dance And Anxiety Has Arrived!

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Asking and Answering to High School Dances

Help with knowing what to do for a High School Dance


Part 2 


Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering

How do we make this dance as perfect as possible?  Just like everything else that’s GREAT, you think ahead and PLAN!

  • Let’s prepare for the date.
  • Sit down and write it all out.
  • Make an itinerary of what you are doing, where you are going and give that to your date so she/he knows how to dress, what time things are happening and they can prepare for hair appointments, school projects, family activities and other events in their life. It’s a winner idea and so polite!
  • There are a few things you can control, meaning the details are huge; small and large.
  • If you are in charge or are the one asking, make sure to know:

WHERE you are going to eat
WHAT you are doing for the event

  • Such as, are you doing a day activity, group activity, games or anything like that as part of this dance?  I have ideas for you HERE to help you out

Once you’ve done all of that to your best, RELAX and have FUN!  
Above all, remember, you can’t control the what the others are doing, little hiccups that will crop up, and things out of your control, so just go-with-the-flow and ENJOY! It will work out if you’ve done your part and are a good sport and easy going  😉 
HOW do you act and behave on a date

Let’s start with HOW TO ACT WITH YOUR DATE so you don’t come across as obnoxious, not nice or worse.

Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering

  • Do NOT switch dates at the dance/date! You have been asked by a person who is paying for your ticket, your dinner, so be polite to them.  Pay attention to your date all night. It’s only right, kind and shows good manners. 
  • Young ladies don’t split up, segregating into a girls section. You are on a date, NOT a girls- night- out at the expense of someone else.
  • Be appropriate in your behavior and kind to everyone in the group – that is EVERYONE!
  • Girls talk to your parents about the ‘door-step’ scene and how to best handle the situation; and what they expectation. Girls, do NOT have this conversation with other girls in front of your date or especially the guys in the group, it’s awkward for them.  A handshake, hug (not body mashing), or just a thank you is what you should be discussing BEFORE the date.  

* If you don’t have someone to talk to you about this, I’ll give you my advice here. Some girls have the impression that if a guy spends money on them, they ‘owe’ them something.  The ONLY thing you OWE them is to be polite, courteous and a gracious person on the date!  If you are comfortable giving a hug at the doorstep, then fine, but you should NEVER feel obligated to do more than that, nor ever anything you are uncomfortable with.  E.V.E.R.!  Email me and we will chat.

  • Teach your son, or daughter, that even if they go to the dance (or on a date) with someone they are not as interested in,  it is so important to STILL be gracious and POLITE. That person is spending money, time and energy on your teen. The date should have an attitude of respect towards your son or daughter, of being NICE and not a jerk for the rest of their life.  Other people will be watching also, to know if they want to risk the same treatment.
  • In a dance group one of my kids happened to be in, a young lady asked a young man who was extremely popular and I wondered how this would work out.  She was cute, but not ‘drop-dead-gorgeous’ as other girls I knew this young man went out with and I think it was her first dance.  Being involved all day with the group, from the day activity, to the dinner, and afterward for dessert, I witnessed first-hand the situation.   I have the highest admiration for that young man!  You would have thought he was out with a super model with the way he paid attention to her, and was genuinely nice the entire time.  They never went out again, but for that night, she was the bell of the ball and treated as such.

WHAT DO I DO AT DINNER? – the restaurant or wherever you eat

Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering

  1. When going to a restaurant, make sure to order an average priced menu item, or the samefood your date does. Do not be rude and try to bust his/her budget.
  2. Do not eat with your mouth open.
  3. Do not talk with your mouth full of food, or even partially full of food—please!
  4. Men open doors, pull out chairs, etc..  It’s charming and gentlemanly.  Ladies allow them do it.  It is NOT a sign of weakness to have manners!
  5. While in the subject of table manners, please, please, please do not chew gum.  Very few, if any, are capable of chewing gum without popping, snapping, chomping and looking a wee bit ‘cowish’.  It’s annoying and not flattering.  Breath mints, however, ARE flattering.
  6. Brush up on which fork to use and when; along with the other utensils and pieces at the table.


  • Do you worry about being boring?
  • Worry about dead silence for minutes or an hour at a time?
  • For sure, do not talk about other guys or girls on your date. That’s major jerkiness!
  • Girls, please be kind when speaking about other girls in the group, or otherwise.  This really sets the tone for the entire event.
  • Be interested in THEM! Ask about their hobbies, their job, what they are doing – don’t’ talk about yourself all night.  Give yourself the 3-1 rule.  You get to talk about yourself one time to three of theirs. About one subject or topic to three of theirs.  It makes for a wonderful evening, you just might make a great friend, and learn something too.

To go with these tips, I have a post to help you out HERE all about conversation starters and tips for not sounding……well…..boring or just empty-headed, but someone who is incredibly interesting and fun.

Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering

Come on over and visit Part 3 the final post in the Series and I’ll give you some ideas on how to dress for the event, along with big do’s and don’ts 
Remember to download those helpful Asking & Answering Printables 
And the Dating Cheat-sheet at the store for free!

Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2013, 2018

Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today.

Pictures courtesy of Pixabay

More Teen Interests:

Part 1: How To Make Going To A High School Dance Painless

Part 3:  Help Me! It’s Time For The Dance, Now What Do I Do?


Asking and Answering to High School Dances

How To Make Going To A High School Dance Painless

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Asking and Answering to High School Dances

Help with knowing what to do for a High School Dance

Part 1

Does the thought of a high school dance cause a slight panic attack?

Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering

Does your head start to pound with questions like:

  • Who will I ask?
  • How will I ask?
  • What if they say no?
  • What if they say yes?
  • What will I wear?
  • Where do we go to eat?
  • What will I say?
  • How do I act at dinner?
  • What do we talk about?


I remember lying on the gym floor as my date asked me if he should take someone else to the dance…….




Yep, it really happened.

I’ve always had issues with my knees dislocating and giving me problems, BUT THIS!

Our gym classes were held in the armory where the National Guard held their drills on the weekends.  It also served our small high school with a large enough space for sporting events, assemblies, and as I mentioned the gym classes for both boys and girls; girls on one side of the gym and boys on the other.

Me being tall, I was designated to ‘Jump-for-the-Ball’.  As I came down I landed wrong, ending up in a total dyslocation of my knee cap.  I’ll spare you the ugly details, you can look it up.

As I lay there waiting for the ambulance, my prom date, who had asked several weeks in advance (yeah….. I was flattered, I’ll admit it) came over to see what was going on.

Surveying the rather unpleasant situation, realizing the prom was about a month away, he sat down beside me on the cold gym floor and asked:  So, do you think I should ask someone else, you know, just in case you won’t be able to go?


What happened?

Well, I was off crutches by the dance and we had a great time at the prom.

So back to the dance that YOU are thinking about going to, or are committed to since you’ve already asked someone, now…..

Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering


Back to our dance topic.

  1. If you are still deciding –
  2. Some say it’s not a big deal, they never went and were a better person for it—-hmmm, that’s ok and great!
  3. Some of my kids went to a few, and some went to dozens of them at several high schools all over the area.
  4. Either way, they met so many new people, gained new friends and still call on those people for opportunities for jobs, advice and look for ways to help them out too. 



Going to some dances myself, having five kids go through public schools and dozens and dozens of dances between them, I look back and I see only positives to going.

IF, now there are IF’s to this.

  • Here’s where I’ll give you some tips for success.  
  • Of course, there will be some that are really fun and memorable; meaning you will remember them with fondness.
  • And there will be some that might be a dud……but life is like that.
  • At a dance, you have experiences in a setting that is formal.  It provides the setting for the occasion to act and behave as you would in a very nice business atmosphere; there are other benefits come from this type of experience as you mature in your attitude. Again IF you are there with proper motives.
  • Make sure to carry out the dance, the activity, and everything AFFORDABLY!!! There’s no reason not to, just be creative! HERE are some ideas


  • Definitely ask someone who shares your same values and morals.  This keeps you safe in many ways. 
  • I wish I could help you understand that  what/who seems ‘popular’ now it really doesn’t matter a day after high school graduation.  Ask someone that is interesting, who has something going for them (meaning they are trying to better them self in some way) is kind and has values.  They can be popular and have these qualities no doubt, but don’t base your choice on what others think.  Ask your parents for their advice. 
  •  Look around and ask someone who may not have ever gone to a dance, or has never been asked to a girls/boys choice.  This can truly be life changing for the other person, letting them know they are valuable and wanted in a group. Then treat them as such, never as a ‘charity case’ became the only reflects badly on you. 

DANCES Ideas for asking and answering for High School Dances

  •  Ask with a puzzle. Put it together, flip it over and write on the back, then take it apart and put it back in the box with a note that a question or the answer is ‘in the box’. In chalk, on the driveway, draw and write a cross word puzzle to ask or answer. Write the asking or answering, cut it up and put each piece in a different balloon. Fill each balloon with helium or just blow up for the person being asked to pop.
  • Using trail reflectors, send the person on a ‘bear hunt’, with waypoints (can even have pictures of bears) for different clues that lead to the end question or answer.  Have cinnamon bears or a teddy grahams or a toy at the end or at way-points.
  • Make an excel spreadsheet. At each correctly answered test question, a letter will appear. The letters spell out the question of asking or the answering.
  • Bake a key in a brownie or cake. Give the person being asked, or answered, the brownie or cake and a locked box. The key opens the box with the answer or asking inside.
  • For a guy asking a gal, give (have it doorbell ditched or left in the home) a doll with the note: How about getting all DOLLED up and going to the dance with me?
  • A note with a stuffed bear/gummy bears /cinnamon bears: “I’d be BEARY happy to go to the dance with you.” Or ‘I’d be BEARY happy if you would go to the dance with me.”
  • With a treat of any kind: “It would be a TREAT to go to the dance with you”, or “It would be a TREAT if you would go to the dance with me.”Candy bar poster to ask or answer. Candy in place of certain words on a poster.
  • Send the person being asked or answered on a scavenger hunt going thru a neighborhood, the mall or to different homes (be polite and prearrange with the people who are kind enough to be involved), gathering clues along the way with a treat and message at the end.

I have FREE PRINTABLE TAGS to help you ask, answer, and even say no if needed!  

AND A Dating Cheat Sheet HERE to help you remember all these tips for a super smooth date 🙂 


Saying NO – You can’t go

  • If you must say no to someone who asks, I recommend you do it in a kind way.  I have a few printables for that also.  
  • When you are asked by someone and maybe it’s not the person you wanted to, it’s a only right to say YES to the FIRST person who asks you (unless there is a very, very good reason not to).  


Because it reflects on you and your character.  If you don’t, it would say to everyone that you are only interested in going out with popular people or being seen with a certain crowd.  This states loud and clear that you are shallow and immature.  While in fact you are limiting your circle of friends and possibly missing out on some amazing friendships that could last for years.  

I do have some tasteful and fun ways to say NO if you must, or if you have already been asked to the dance, in the download of printables.

Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2013, 2018

Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today.

Pictures courtesy of Pixabay


Wondering what to do on the date?  How to act at dinner, and the dreaded….conversation… head on over to part 2, then 3!

Part 2:  It’s Time For The Dance And Anxiety Has Arrived!









Part 3:  Help Me! It’s Time For The Dance, Now What Do I Do?










More Teen Interests:







Dating Pic

Dating, Conversation Starters & WOW Ideas

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Dating Pic

Dating, Conversation Starters and ‘Wow’ Ideas

Dating can be so fun…..or so ….uummm so dry.  A lot of it all depends on the planning, so here are some ideas for success.

Tips for winner dates:

  1. Plan
  2. Plan
  3. Plan
  4. Ok, you got the planning idea, right?
  5. When you ask the girl out, don’t say, what do you want to do.  She doesn’t know your budget, nor what in the world you have in mind for time frame, distance, etc.  You could ask her to choose between two choices however, such as mini golf and an easy hike.
  6. Let her know what you are doing so she can dress appropriately.
  7. Ask her curfew, or what time she would like to be home.  If she lives at home respect her parents rules of curfew.  If she lives in an apartment, dorm or alone, ask her what time she would like to be back; she may have an early shift to work in the morning, or homework or other things to finish that night.
  8. Going to dinner is not the best idea for a first date, as it can be expensive.  Ice cream and talking is perfect.  Short and sweet, long enough to talk and see if you have an interest in each other to further the relationship is great.
  9. With that being said, on of my sons’ always took his first date to dinner.  He said it was a sure-fire-hit either way since he got a meal he wanted (took her to a restaurant he liked) so he never felt like it was a total loss.
  10. Let your date know BEFORE the date if you are going to dinner so she knows whether to eat before.  My girls would go on a date with the presumption from a comment from the guy that they were going to eat and then they didn’t.  Their tummy’s would rumble all night…gggrrrr.
  11. Everyone play nice while on a date.  One of my girls had her date tell her how foolish it was for her to pursue the degree she was taking in college.  It was a first date, and she wanted to tell him the famous line from ‘Gone With The Wind’, “Frankly My Dear, I Don’t Give A _______” but she’s a lady and ignored him.  Later in the evening he told her how much he detested chocolate (what????).  So when he took her for ice cream she ordered up a double chocolate fudge, lol.  You don’t need to insult or be rude.  Dating is to find out if you are compatible.  Obviously they weren’t from the get-go, so be kind and find common ground and have a fun time.
  12. Always be a lady (gentleman).  One year when my oldest daughter was dating they gave out free passes to a local haunted house.  A young man took her to the haunted house and when they arrived they were handed a list of things to find for prizes at the end.  They had fun and I think may have even gotten a prize.  She was asked out by another young man and she was surprised when she ended up at the same haunted house.  She didn’t let on that she had been there, but they won prizes, lol.  By the end of October she had been there on several dates, all with different guys.  The staff at the haunted house began to question her to seeing her before.  She didn’t lie, but just said there are so many girls with dark long hair, it could be anyone.  She was coming home with lots of prizes though.  She knew it would embarrass the guys who took her, knowing it was free passes and that she had been there – many times by the end now – and it was more important to be kind then anything else.  So she played along and had that haunted house memorized by October 31st.

 Dates SHOULD be creative and interesting:

  1. Play Frisbee
  2. Take an easy hike
  3. Driving range, then if they don’t golf it’s not problem, but fun to try to whack the all
  4. Mini golf
  5. Take a board game and munchies to the park
  6. Bowling
  7. Aquarium
  8. Theater – the funny melodrama shows are the best
  9. Free concerts, but a good clean one
  10. Festival that is going on in your area, such as a Greek, German or Swiss for example
  11. Be a tourist for a day and visit somewhere unique or quirky
  12. Ice skating or roller skating – ask your date about this first to make sure they can
  13. Fishing
  14. Go to the zoo
  15. Go to the store and get kites and fly them
  16. Make sidewalk chalk art
  17. Play card games
  18. Movie dates generally are a no-no or should be rare.  You can’t talk and get to know each other.
  19. Go Paint-Balling
  20. Go for a nature walk

This list should get you going.  The main point is to plan!

Conversation Starters*:
It is so important to have things lined up to talk about, especially to a stranger.  It is OK to have silence, but not the entire date….boring.  So here’s a few ideas:

  • Have you lived here all your life?
  • What schools have you gone to?
  • How many siblings do you have?  Brothers? Sisters?
  • What are you most proud of?
  •  What’s your favorite movie?
  • Favorite movie line?
  • What’s your favorite type of music?
  • Who is your favorite artist?
  • What’s your favorite tv show?
  • If you have $1,000 to do anything with, but had to spend it on YOU, what would you do with it?
  • If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
  • Have you traveled anywhere?  Where?
  • Do you have any pets?
  • Where do you work?
  • What career are you working towards/are you in?
  • What’s the best job you have ever had?

Impression killers

  1. Don’t check your phone – no texting, calling, emailing, etc.  You are on a date for heaven’s sake!
  2. Do NOT talk about previous dates
  3. Do NOT talk about previous relationships until you are way down the line in the relationship
  4. Do NOT gossip about anyone, anything, NOTHING!
  5. Do NOT speak critical or rude about anything, NOTHING!
  6. Politics can be a risky subject – tread lightly
  7. Care more about your date than yourself in the conversation
  8. Don’t be late


  • Smile at your date
  • Look at your date
  • Pay attention to your date
  • Don’t talk too much* (the above Conversation Starters are to be used in MODERATION as all things are!). Ask a question and let the conversation flow naturally.  You do not need to get through the entire flippin’ list on the first date, ok?!
  • Ask yourself often, does your date seem interested in you?  Adjust as needed.  You may not be able to fix it, personalities do not always mesh, but sometimes we get so caught up in trying to
  • The Gold Rule says it all:  Treat others as you would like to be treated.  Follow this sage advice and it will all be great.

Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2015
Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today
For More Posts On This Topic:
A Mother’s Shadow’ a novel by Carrie Groneman (available on Amazon), click HERE
Are We On A Date
To Date or Hang Out?
* Happily Ever After
What Kind Of Friends Do You Have
Dress To Impress
Teen Group Date & Party Ideas
Teen Asking & Dance Etiquette

Are We On a Date?

Are We On A Date?

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 Dating 2Are We On A Date?


There are definite Do’s and Don’ts to how to ask a date and how to behave on a date. 

I have some tips for making it a positive experience and worthwhile.


Continuing the series To Date Or Hang Out the next step is the art form of dating which we will address here in sections. 

Guys up first with the asking:

1. Do not fb, text or email to ask a girl out on a date. CALL her on the phone. You can FB, text or email to introduce yourself, get her number, etc., but to ask her out, CALL HER!
2. Make it clear to the gal – is this a date or a hangout does she pay or are you? Girls wonder: what are your motives, intentions? When you ask about Friday with friends, does that mean it’s a bunch of us and I’m supposed to bring friends, or is this a date you are asking me on? Make it clear and concise what your purpose and goal is.
3. Let your date know what you are doing so she knows what to wear. One time my sister Jody was asked out on a date and she dressed up, wearing heels. The guy picked her up and took her hiking…what? Don’t make that thoughtless mistake.
4. Sometimes making the first date a short one of an hour or less is advisable. Make the first date not a long one. Better to have it short and sweet then long and drag it out, particularly if it turns out that you/they are not interested in furthering the relationship.
5. It can be scary to ask a girl out, she might say no, but she might say YES!

Girls Turn:

1. Girls let the guys know you want to go on a date and not just hang out – somehow get the word out.
2. Girls if you must turn down a date, be kind and be sensitive about it. If you want to go out, but are not available for that particular time, make sure to let him know that too.
3. If you are being asked to a dance it is polite to go with the person who asks (see more on dance topics at the bottom of this post)

The Date:

1. Guys do NOT ask the girls where she wants to go eat unless you give two options of restaurants. She doesn’t know if you have the budget for Wendy’s or a fancy-sit-down, nor what to dress for.    DO let her know if you ARE going to eat  or NOT so she can grab something before you go, or wait to eat with you. 

2. When asking the girl out ask her curfew so you can plan accordingly.

3. Meet the parent(s) if possible when you pick up your date. Have her home by curfew and NO later; it is only respectful.

4. Guys be a leader, not lily-livered. Have a plan for the date. This avoids bad situations, regrets and possible unsafe settings.

5. While on the date, do NOT text, check FB or make phone calls, social media in any form. You are on a DATE with someone else.

6. When going out to eat, guys tell the girl what you are going to order so she knows what price range you are at. Girls order what the guy is ordering or below. Be considerate of his budget and DO eat something.  Don’t do the ‘Oh, I don’t eat much and that’s why I’m so skinny’ or ‘I’m on a diet’.  They want to buy you food, be nice and eat!!!

7. Guys still pay the bill. Be prepared to ask for another date IF the first goes well.

8. Guys open the doors. Let the gal go ahead of you into a building or the doorway. Use manners, they are never out of style.

9. Keep the conversation going, but do NOT tell you life story nor personal or private information on the first or even second date. Allow a relationship to develop as you communicate and information flows naturally.

10. When on a date be there. Do not talk about previous relationships and other dates, besides its poor manners.

11. Date a person in several types of situations to get to see what they are really like.

12. BOTH work to keep the conversation going. It should never be one or the other making all the effort.

Let the parents or someone else know where you are going on the date – guys let the gals know before or at the door.  This is critical for safety.

 SAFETY is FIRST and FOREMOST IMPORTANT.  Make sure as the guy you are preparing a date that will provide a safe environment.  As a gal, do all you can to be aware of your surroundings and to keep yourself protected as you can.

After The Date:

1. It’s ok to end as friends.

2. As you get a life*, generally love finds you. Not always does it happen that way, but more often than not.


1. Act in a way that is appropriate and commendable. Don’t gossip and talk bad about others while on a date.

2. Dress modestly. It is important to dress attractively and in fashion, be it a man or woman. Dressing with taste and reserve does not limit or restrain. It actually demonstrates that the man or woman understands their inner value, qualities and worth. Conversely, wearing provocative clothing with the purpose to attract attention clearly screams I have this body to offer and not much else.

3. Be yourself – ALWAYS be genuine and true Deceptive is never good and back fires every time.

4. As you date a person regularly assess your relationship. Is everything revolving around your date? Too much of your life? Does your homework/job suffer? Are you ignoring your family and other important issues in your life? This is a time to reconsider what direction you are going and if it’s the life you want.

5. If you and your date are texting, emailing, FB, continually/constantly, that is not healthy.

Finding a person who enhances your personality for the better and you do the same for them; both putting God first, will help you sift through the dating pool to find your trophy.

Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2015

Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today

For More Posts On This Topic:

A Mother’s Shadow’ a novel by Carrie Groneman (available on Amazon), click HERE

To Date or Hang Out?

Dating, Conversation Starters & WOW Ideas

* Happily Ever After

What Kind Of Friends Do You Have

Dress To Impress

Teen Group Date & Party Ideas

Teen Asking & Dance Etiquette

To Date or Hang Out

To Date or Hang Out?

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To Date or Hang Out

To Date or Hang Out

In my novel, A Mother’s Shadow, Emily and Harry ‘court’ as it was called back in the day; dating as it is referred to most commonly now.  I am surprised at how things have changed in the dating world in just the last few decades.  It always has been important, and I believe it still is.  However, there seems to be a transformation from dating with a purpose, to just passing time and hanging out endlessly with no purpose, no direction, just  – – – hanging out.


Let’s start with a bit of the history of dating:

In times long gone by, marriages were arranged for political or monetary benefit or to gain property. Some marriages were even by capture and not by choice.

We have many of our chivalry dating rituals handed down to us from  Medieval times, such as a man opening doors for a woman and pulling out her chair. It was also the time that romance began to take precedence over arrangements for the benefit of a family, person or rulers.  The man would sing songs and recite poetry to the woman he wanted to court. The virtues of chastity and honor were held in the highest regard.

The Victorian Era (1837-1901) now put the primary focus of love and romance in a relationship. Courting became almost an art form; very formal and rigid.  If a man was interested in talking to a  lady, it was not proper for him to simply walk up and speak to her. Even after a proper introduction it was quite some time before it was considered appropriate for the man and woman to be seen in public speaking to each other. Couples were almost always escorted by a chaperone and a marriage proposal was hand written.

It is interesting as we look at the history of courting or dating.   Before 1900, courtship was between a man and a woman and it was with the deliberate purpose of getting to know each other and assessing the other as a potential husband or wife.   They were usually from the same area, and known by someone close to them so they could be assessed before the relationship was too far along.  The man would go to the woman’s home to court her, and then under the watchful eye of her mother and brothers.

A considerable change came with World War WWII and the way society viewed ‘proper’ courting, values and family involvement in the marital agreement. Introductions were no longer needed.  A man and woman were now able to go to a movie, for a ride, to dinner, anywhere without any escort or the safeguard of the family and close-knit neighbors. For better or worse, it brought change.

Now we have another significanttransformation in the dating arena.   Instead of dating or even courting, it is more common for groups of young men and young women, in their twenties and even thirties, or older, to ‘hang out’ as a group……all the time……just a mass of people all tagging along together…..and do this weekend after weekend, month after month, even year after year.

Hanging out DOES have a purpose:

  • It gives you a chance to meet new people that you might never would have meet as they come with others in the group.
  • You can get to know a person a bit, such as if you have anything in common, before you ask them out/accept to go on a date with them.

Caution:  Do not get stuck in the rut of of ‘friend zone’ of always hanging out and never actually dating to see how much you really do like that person.

Now for dating, let’s first look at the definition

Dating, a form of courtship, which may include any social activity undertaken by, typically, two persons with the aim of assessing each others suitability as a partner (

So why is it so important to pair off to date*:

  • Dating allows two people to get to know each other
  • You make friends that you otherwise wouldn’t have gotten to know as you date
  • Your circle of friends increase
  • Dating is so critical because it gives you a chance to get to know how the opposite sex thinks, behaves and reacts. 
  • You can communicate and relate much better after you are married as you date and become acquainted and more familiar with how the the opposite sex thinks, which comes from dating.
  • As you date more people you realize what kind of person you want to be married to and live with the rest of your life.  When you are a teenager you have a more panacea idea of what you want in a mate, but after dating, becoming more mature, growing older and a little wiser  (hopefully a lot wiser) your image of a spouse is more true of what will lead to a life of happiness and success as a family.
  •  When you find someone whose company you really enjoy, take it slow so that you can get to know the other person; at least have a better chance of truly knowing the other person.

Question:  Dating does cost money, time and you may go out with some… I dare say duds?  So why got through it all?  Is it worth the effort and work? 

Answer:  Geez, even a high school diploma takes years of showing up, doing things that were not always fun and keeping at it.  Why wouldn’t finding a right one be somewhat difficult too?

 The young man –

  • He learns to be a leader as he becomes assertive by asking a young woman out on a date. 
  • He becomes responsible as he provides a safe environment for his date, thinking ahead of the activity they will go on.
  • He becomes creative as he thinks of fun dates that do not involve a lot of money and the same old thing – such as a movie, or just watching tv.

The young woman –

  • She learns to be more perceptive and responsible as she thinks ahead for her own safety as possible.
  • She becomes more nurturing and skilled at looking out for others in the group, particularly her own date, and pay attention that they are included in the conversations and activity.

Both –

  • You learn to be a better conversationalist as you listen and converse with the other person and not just talk about yourself.  You make sure the conversation includes them, and is mostely about them.
  • Your social skills will increase and will rock off the charts if you will learn from others – mainly by observing what is working and what isn’t for you and others.
  • Is there a positive feeling for a success, such as helping your date and any others have a voice in the conversations.
  • Or a bomb, like when only going on and on about yourself, ignoring your date or gossiping about others.

Dating generally begins in high school to socialize, and can go into the early 20’s and beyond.  It’s also a way to get to know yourself and what you are about, and what you like and dislike; this is perfect and normal.

As you later (when the marrying age and prepared) date seriously to see the qualities in the other person that are important, and which will appear naturally over time, take it slow and get to know each other dating in different situations, you might want to ask yourself the following:

  • Will he/she be a good father or mother?
  • Will we have the potential to make a happy home together?
  • What do I need to do to be more prepared to be a better person?
  •  What do we have in common?
  • What don’t we have in common?
  • What strengths do they have that could help strengthen my weaknesses?
  • Do we have similar goals in life?
  • Do we feel the same about religion?
  • Do we feel the same about politics?
  • Most importantly of all, Is God the most important aspect for direction in their life, and of course yours?  If so, all will fall in place.


*Hanging out at a friends house, a youth group, a school activity or impromptu gathering can be an awesome way to meet new friends and have a chance to date outside the same circle of people.

*Dating, though awkward and even challenging, can help you understand yourself more as you meet others, get to know them and their personalities. 

*Waiting to date until at least sixteen is recommended because of all the physical, emotional and psychological changes that are naturally occurring, it is difficult to also add in the mix of the attraction of one-on-one with the opposite sex and handle it with sound wisdom, high morals and not have regrets later on.

*Group dating is another highly suggested consideration while you are in high school and even after; depending on your situation.  It offers safety and is easier as there are other people to talk to in the group, and it usually is more fun too.

*Leave the fear behind, find out where people are hanging out and meet new friends.

*Take the challenge to ask someone on a date/accept a date that isn’t the ‘perfect’ ideal of what you think you are looking for.  You never know…

*HAVE FUN!  ENJOY LIFE!  This is a remarkable time to dive right in and just swim in the BEST of the GOOD that life has to offer – that is what youth is all about.

Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2015

Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today

For More Posts On This Topic:

A Mother’s Shadow’ a novel by Carrie Groneman (available on Amazon), click HERE

Are We On A Date?

Dating Conversation Starters & WOW Ideas

 Happily Ever After

What Kind Of Friends Do You Have

Dress To Impress