National Anti Abuse and Violence Awareness

Is There Domestic Abuse or Violence In Your Life? Part 1

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National Anti Abuse and Violence Awareness

Anti Abuse and Violence Awareness and Prevention

Is There Domestic Abuse or Violence In Your Life? 

Do you know someone who is trapped in this cycle as the perpetrator or the victim? 

Once a month the ladies in my church, as well as all women in the area who are invited and welcome, get together to learn, socialize – and eat of course.

At one of the meetings we were presented the same information given at a Multi Faith Leaders Conference which was centered on Domestic Violence Training.

I found it so informative and pertinent, that I asked for permission to pass it onto you. 

Adding to what I was given and heard that night, I have also included other information I found while doing some research on this important subject.

I hope you will read it and pass it on to anyone and everyone you can. 

You never know who is suffering in silence and just does not have the information of where to turn for help.  Possibly you, or someone you know is the abuser and wants to change, there is also help.  This is the first in this series.

Men can be abused as well as women, and it should be taken very seriously as well. Women never, ever have the right to mistreat men physically, emotionally or verbally. “Man-bashing” is terrible in all its forms and is to be shunned. For this post, I will focus on women for ease in writing and for my purpose here.

Years ago, I was able to help with a service project, again with ladies in my church and women in my area, as we remodeled a room at our local YWCA.  We took a little tour before beginning the job of cleaning, painting and such. 

An aspect that very much surprised me, was learning that there were Domestic Violence Shelters known as “safe-houses”.  These safe-houses were available in the area for women who were were in a life-threatening situation and running from their husband or boy-friend.  They and their children could stay at this safe-house for a time and get help from police and others.

It had not occurred to me before that, how complex the woman’s choices would be when trying to leave an abusive situation; here are a few scenarios:

  1. If the woman seeks shelter from family or friends the partner can easily track her down – meaning she puts them in danger and she realizes this gamble.
  2. Running to a ‘safe-house’,  there may not be room for her, which is a risk, and she may be turned away.
  3. If she were to move to her own place that would require her own money and independence, which is not common in an abusive situation.
  4. An abuser can keep the woman so isolated that she knows no one to go to for help, or has been isolated from family, or shut herself off from loved ones.
  5. Many run to the streets, and there be abused and violated, as much or more, as they were at home.

 To begin this series we will address understanding what abuse is and how to recognize it.


Domestic violence is never acceptable, it is a crime.

  • It is never deserved
  • Never ok
  • Never asked for
  • Never to be tolerated

Domestic violence is preventable.
If we will be involved and watch out for others and what is going on around us, we can be instrumental in reporting if necessary, or at least offering support and relief to others when we can see they need help.

Victims/survivors are not to blame.
It is NEVER the fault of the wounded. No matter what they said or did, it was never deserved.

Perpetrators are responsible for their own actions.
We all come to this earth with personalities, strengths, weaknesses and tests to overcome. However I believe that each person (that are able minded of course) has a conscience of right and wrong; which includes how to correctly treat others. A person can control their actions and words and has the responsibility to do so.



Physical Abuse:    Everything from shoving to hitting

Emotional Abuse:     Isolating, threatening, name-calling, demeaning

Sexual Abuse:     Forcing unwanted sex acts, forcing to watch pornography, use sex to demean or control

Spiritual Abuse:     Using scripture, doctrine, or dogma to justify abuse and control



Certain outside forces can promote anger and other emotions in an abuser, such as:

  • Alcohol & Drug Abuse (6 in 10 abuse cases are affected by these)
  • Apartment Dwellers (when it is a small, cramped, no privacy or yard is a large initiator)
  • Financial Problems
  • Infidelity
  • Holidays
  • Uncontrolled Anger/Rage
  • Unmarried Partners with Prior Relationships (70%)
  • Untreated Mental Illness



Offenders May:

  • Appear attentive and protective…when actually being jealous and controlling
  • Make the decisions about how and when the family worships
  • Have a history of violent and abusive acts, such as destroying property, harming pets, etc.
  • Use the premise of the patriarchal role within the family to rationalize abusive behavior


Victims May:

  • Seem quiet, devoted and dutiful…but may actually feel frightened, and isolated because of threats and abusive behavior
  • Have injuries and/or illnesses which may increase in frequency and/or severity
  • Tend to minimize the situation
  • Feel uncomfortable and make excuses if you approach them about the abuse



Here are some of the reasons a woman (or man) may not leave a situation of abuse, even when their life is in danger.  Frustrating as it may be to an outsider, it makes sense to the abused:

  • Children
  • Money/financial dependency
  • Need for companionship
  • Hopes abuse will stop- that abuser will change”
  • Commitment to relationship
  • LOVE (or what is construed as love)
  • Doesn’t want to feel like a failure. Guilt.
  • Stigma of divorce
  • Fear of being alone, doesn’t want to start over
  • Low self-esteem
  • The cycle of violence is familiar
  • The unknown is scarier than the known
  • Threats of suicide/harm/harassment by abuser
  • Pressure from or lack of support from family, friends or church
  • Wants to preserve reputation
  • Single parenting an unattractive alternative
  • Sex/affection is good some of the time
  • Apologies/crying from abuser
  • Lack of awareness that it’s ok to leave
  • Victim doesn’t recognize behavior as abuse
  • No support system
  • Nowhere else to go


From It’s not always easy to tell at the beginning of a relationship if it will become abusive.

In fact, many abusers may seem absolutely perfect on the surface — as if they are the dream partner — in the early stages of a relationship. Possessive and controlling behaviors don’t always appear overnight, but rather emerge and intensify as the relationship grows.

If you’re beginning to feel as if your partner or a loved one’s partner is becoming abusive, there are a few behaviors that you can look out for. Watch out for these red flags and if you’re experiencing one or more of them in your relationship, call The Hotline to talk about what’s going on:

  • Embarrassing or putting you down
  • Looking at you or acting in ways that scare you
  • Controlling who you see, where you go, or what you do
  • Keeping you or discouraging you from seeing your friends or families
  • Taking your money or refusing to give you money for expenses
  • Preventing you from making your own decisions
  • Telling you that you are a bad parent or threatening to harm or take away your children
  • Preventing you from working or attending school
  • Blaming you for the abuse, or acting like it’s not really happening
  • Destroying your property or threatening to hurt or kill your pets
  • Intimidating you  with guns, knives or other weapons
  • Shoving, slapping, choking or hitting you
  • Attempting to stop you from pressing charges
  • Threatening to commit suicide because of something you’ve done
  • Threatening to hurt or kill you
  • Pressuring you to have sex when you don’t want to or do things sexually you’re not comfortable with
  • Pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol
  • Preventing you from using birth control or pressuring you to become pregnant when you’re not ready

Domestic violence doesn’t look the same in every relationship because every relationship is different. But one thing most abusive relationships have in common is that the abusive partner does many different kinds of things to have more power and control over their partners.  If you’re concerned about some of these things happening in your relationship, please feel free to give us a call at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

 The National Domestic Violence site has many resources to help, click HERE for more information.

How can I help my Friend?  What if my friend is the Abuse and needs help? 

Click HERE for informationAbuse in all of its forms is hideous and does not have a place in a loving and caring home or relationship.

Too often a person may have grown up with the same treatment and thinks it is the way to act, or to be acted upon.  I will continue with this topic to give information and resources, in the hopes that suffering will stop, mistreatment and cruelty that has been perpetrated (even for generations) will cease, and coarse and harsh language and words in a relationship and family will stop all together.

Can you imagine the change if families only knew safety, love, righteous teachings and the path to true happiness?  We can find our way there, I know we can! Together, as we watch out to help others, then have the courage to do what is needed so peace, calm and joy can be in the life of every child, woman and man.

Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2015, 2017

Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today

Pioneer Handcart

YOU ARE a Pioneer!

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Pioneer Handcart

Pioneer Handcart

Did you cross the plains? NO.  Did you  sail the ocean in a ship powered only with sails and only a trunk filled with your possessions? Probably not.  So how could YOU or I be a pioneer? Let me explain. 

Where I live, this week celebrates those who oftentimes left behind material possessions, family and friends for a purpose higher than themselves.

As I pondered their courage, it occurred to me though we may not have to push a handcart or drive a team of oxen, or forge new paths in a wilderness; yet we too must make extremely difficult choices and selfless sacrifices to have valued principles in our own life, which brought me to the realization that……

YOU ARE a Pioneer!

Usually we think of a pioneer as someone who settled a new land, moved to unpopulated territory, walked across untamed plains or crossed treacherous mountains.

When the word pioneer is considered, it refers to someone who left the comfort and routine in their life, for a promise and hope of something better.

Terms in the dictionary that made me realize why we ARE pioneers.


  1. To develop or be the first to apply a new method or an area of knowledge.
  2. To be a pathfinder, initiator, a trailblazer.
  3. One who goes before, showing others the way to follow.

Application  of the work pioneer in our life:

  • If a tradition or attitude in your family has been perpetuated, of any kind, that is detrimental, whether physically, emotionally or spiritual, and you purposefully and with clear intent break the cycle – you ARE a pioneer.
  • If abuse, of a physical or emotional nature is the ‘norm’, and you bring it to a stop – you ARE a pioneer.
  • If sarcasm, put-downs, bullying, intimidation or self-pity are the norm of communication and way to get attention; yet, you are determined to exchange coercive methods for healthy relationships with others – you ARE a pioneer.

I truly honor those who pioneered long ago to make a better life for those that followed, namely us, as their life was grueling and oftentimes harsh.

Log Cabin

However, I consider that our life today is every bit as difficult and demanding, even possibly more in some respects than times long ago.

Those who were past-times pioneers, usually fought the same problems: such as weather, enemies, persecution, etc.  While today’s pioneers (you and me) are oftentimes fighting our own battles, imperfections and weaknesses seemingly alone.

It is the plan that we have our own conflicts. temptations and trials, which may not be known or understood easily,  yet, we are never, ever alone. We have each other and principally God to turn to.

I believe, with all my heart, that each and every one of us have been purposefully set in our family, this time in the world’s history, and the setting we are in; as all these components are critical  factors, for our own sake to grow AND be a pioneer.

It is our duty and obligation to be praiseworthy and pioneer to change wrongs, to persevere in righteous ways, and to be a trailblazer carving a path that is worthy to follow.


By learning correct principles, practicing moral choices and becoming a trusted shadow for others to follow.


  • Because these elements are among the most important purposes we have to accomplish while on this earth. 
  • We CAN break new ground by going forward with courage and optimism, one step at a time; all the while beckoning others to come along with us in our remarkable journey of life.   

You and I ARE pioneers!

Did you ever wonder what children and adults did for entertainment back in the 1800’s? 

For my post on Pioneers Games, actvities and Fun, Click HERE

Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2013

Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today.