For this post, I am suggesting ideas of how to choose a spouse:
- What do you look for?
- What qualities should there be?
- What traits should you have?
To begin, NO one – NOT me, nor you, nor any potential spouse is going to be perfect, it’s just not humanly possible. HOWEVER, there are definite characteristics and attributes to look for when seriously dating someone.
It is critical above all, be an honest person yourself. You know, ‘walk the walk’ and ‘talk the talk’. ‘Do what you preach’, that type of thing. You want to find a person who is honest, yet it begins at home. It’s difficult to have what you’re not.*
- Marrying a person who lifts, edifies and makes you want to be a better person provides the highest level of success. *You must be giving the same back.
Let’s look at these attributes a little –
Lift: To be there to boost, revitalize, restore strength. To be compassionate and loving enough to let go of any selfishness and ego. Willing to do that for their companion, would be truly respected and held even more dear by the other. It must come from both partners of course.
Helps you be a better person: How a person spends their time is a HUGE indicator of what they are inside. Do they look for ways to serve? Do they want to learn to better them-self? Do they take on hobbies to improve the quality of life for others? How they are bettering them-self, will in almost all situations, help you to stretch to improve yourself also. Again, you can nudge each other to get off the couch, turn off TV, or look to help others in small and simple ways.
- I heard once, many years ago, and the longer I have been married and watched other couples, the more I completely agree with this statement: Marry someone who loves God above all else and everything will fall into place. If God is first, all righteous desires and actions outweigh any bad choices that could be the downfall of the marriage and family.
Edify: This means to teach in moral religious knowledge. Does the person you are looking at to marry hold religion sacred and important as you do? Do they read the scriptures? Pray? Continue to learn so they can discuss, ask questions and grow in understanding? Do you? Putting God as the main component in your personal life and in your relationship as a couple will be the strongest foundation you can possibly have.
Is he or she made of GOLD or DIAMONDS?
GOLD is beautiful and highly valued the world over. However, did you know that pure gold alone is too soft to use for anything practical or useful?
When considering a husband, or wife, are they able to stand on their own when challenges come their way that confront their beliefs? Would they crumble and be soft like pure gold?
DIAMONDS are recognized for their strength as well as their beauty. In fact their durability is undisputed. Did you know that a diamond rates the highest on the scale of hardness, surpassing even the finest high-carbon steel? Why? How come they are so stable and strong?
It begins with how they are made. Diamonds come from deep in the earth’s crust and are formed through incredible pressure over prolonged time.
That is what we want to be and what we want in a spouse. Someone who demonstrates strength of character to DO the RIGHT thing, ACT MORALLY, HOLD to VALUES time and time again. Even when it is not convenient, awkward, embarrassing or not popular. We must do that and look for someone who lives that way also.
- Ask God if the person you are looking to marry is a right one for you. He knows every single person’s heart and true intent. He loves you, He loves them. He wants what is best for both of you.
- If you are looking for a spouse, do not be consumed in finding Mr. Right or Mrs. Perfect. Enjoy life! Continue your education. Go on to do great things and it will happen in it’s own time. Life is good. Life is Beautiful. Life is Rich. Life is to be LIVED. LIVE and BECOME BETTER. Then when a right person comes along, it will be glorious!
Now, with all that said, what if a husband or wife acts in an unethical or immoral way, whether we have chosen as wisely as possible, or not. Is there hope? Every single living person has their God-given agency to do as they wish; that is part of the plan. You can ONLY control yourself. You cannot force, coerce or manipulate another person. The beautiful and merciful part is though, that you can do so much though. Reach out to God first and ask Him what His plan is for you. Then go to work to make yourself better, as good as you can be. That you can do! The miracles and blessings will flow like a river towards you and your family; that I can promise. You will be amazed at the direction of wonder and delight that you never expected, all because YOU love God above all else.
Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2015
Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today
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‘A Mother’s Shadow’ a novel by Carrie Groneman