Do You Know Basic Self Defense?

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It is not fear that motivates, but awareness and information to drive us forward: that is our goal, to keep us ALL safe and secure.

I have information and tips that will help all ages to be safe, better prepared and more vigilant in thinking of: IF this happens….. WHAT I can do.  

Sometimes we feel as if forces around us are out of our control, but with a little knowledge, we are powerful and have the advantage in these situations.  

I hope you will pass this on to others, and teach your children so they can protect themselves if they are ever in a circumstance that they need to be self reliant in this area. 

 




Do You Know Basic Self Defense?

We find our self in several situations every day.

And because many are so routine, we usually do not pay attention or are as aware as we should be of our surroundings and the risks that could be involved.  

Here are the most common settings we are routinely would happen to be in.  Hopefully we can all be more prepared, more alert and informed after reading this post.

 

  AT HOME

Tips for being safe in your home:

  • Keep your cell phone charged and next to you, even if you have a land line.
  • Keep a light on at night to give the impression someone is awake and to help you see if an intruder comes in.
  • Keep curtains shut so others cannot easily see if you, or your children are alone.
  • Keep bushes and shrubs cut low.  This avoids strangers from hiding in them, and makes it easy for neighbors to watch your home when you are there, and when you are away.
  • Keep the outside of your house lit up well so there are not shadows for intruders to easily hid themselves in.
  • Keep your doors and windows shut and locked at night.
  • For sliding doors and windows keep a a dowel in the open slot so it cannot slid open.
  • Protect Yourself From Violent Crime from the National Crime Prevention Council
  • A credible alarm and protection company may be a good fit for you and your family
 What if your home is being broken into.  Tips from Readers Digest

Don’t turn on the lights, says Mark Safarik, a retired FBI profiler. That will diminish your night vision. Plus, if you’re near a window, a potential intruder will be able to see you and know instantly where you are. Instead, dial 911 immediately. Then, if you can, find your car’s remote entry device and press the panic button. It’s capable of triggering the alarm from a distance of some 30 to 60 feet, and the loud noise may well frighten the intruder away.

 




Are you prepared if an intruder breaks in? From Citizen Defense Training.  This is an abbreviated portion of their article.  
1– Plan now to prevent a tragedy.  How will you get out of the house; will you need a rope ladder stored in your room, or can you climb out the window?
2- Once the intruder is inside do you have a safe room?  Is there a lock on the inside, a light and supplies for food and necessities?
3- If you do not have a safe room and cannot get out, do you have a way to barricade the door?
4- Can you call 911 or emergency help?  Do you keep your cell phone charged, particularly at night?
5- If you must encounter the invader do you know how to handle the situation?
6- Do you know how to prevent if possible the home invasion?




GENERAL SAFETY TIPS

A list of tips for adults on staying safe

  • Don’t walk or jog early in the morning or late at night when the streets are deserted.
  • When out at night, try to have a friend walk with you.
  • Carry only the money you’ll need on a particular day.
  • Don’t display your cash or any other inviting targets such as pagers, cell phones, hand-held electronic games, or expensive jewelry and clothing.
  • If you think someone is following you, switch directions or cross the street. If the person continues to follow you, move quickly toward an open store or restaurant or a lighted house. Don’t be afraid to yell for help.
  • Try to park in well-lighted areas with good visibility and close to walkways, stores, and people.
  • Make sure you have your key out as you approach your door.
  • Always lock your car, even if it’s in your own driveway; never leave your motor running.
  • Do everything you can to keep a stranger from getting into your car or to keep a stranger from forcing you into his or her car.
  • If a dating partner has abused you, do not meet him or her alone. Do not let him or her in your home or car when you are alone.
  • If you are a battered spouse, call the police or sheriff immediately. Assault is a crime, whether committed by a stranger or your spouse or any other family member. If you believe that you and your children are in danger, call a crisis hotline or a health center (the police can also make a referral) and leave immediately.
  • If someone tries to rob you, give up your property—don’t give up your life.
  • If you are robbed or assaulted, report the crime to the police. Try to describe the attacker accurately. Your actions can help prevent someone else from becoming a victim.




VEHICLE SAFETY

 

Parking Lot Safety

  • Park in well-lit, well traveled areas.
  • Put all of your bags in the trunk.
  • Save most expensive purchases for last.
  • Have your keys ready when you walk out to your vehicle.
  • Always check to make sure no one is hiding in the back seat.
  • Try not to walk out into an empty parking lot. Wait a minute if you have to for someone else to come out of the store.

Parking lot safety tips to reduce your chances of becoming a victim by Consumer Reports

Be choosy where you park

  • Sure, that isn’t always easy. But it could be worth driving around a little to find a spot in a populated area instead of settling on one in a dark, remote location, especially if you are alone. “Park in a well-lit area because criminals hate light; they don’t want to be identified,” said Officer Heidi Miller of the Police Department in Bloomington, Minn., home of the Mall of America.

Lock and stow

  • Many parking-lot thefts occur because drivers neglect to perform the simplest task: locking the car and closing the windows. Don’t allow your car to be an easy target for thieves. Hide valuables such as GPS devices, cell phones, laptops, and ­iPods. If your GPS is mounted to your windshield, pull it off and try to clean off the suction marks so that thieves don’t break into the car looking for it. “Don’t even leave the GPS cable,” Miller said, because criminals think you’re simply putting the device away in your glove box or center console. In addition, if you have an aftermarket stereo with a removable faceplate, Miller suggests removing the face and taking it with you.

Stay focused

  • “People walking through the parking lot don’t pay as much attention as they used to,” Capt. Robert Guidetti of the Paramus, N.J., Police Department said. Instead they are checking e-mail or making calls. Look to your front, side, and rear when walking to and from a store. Being aware of your surroundings lessens your chances of becoming a victim or getting struck by a car, Guidetti says.

Assume you’re watched

  • Criminals watch for shoppers who put purchases in their car or trunk, then walk back into the store. Once you’re gone, it can take only moments to break in and grab items. If you need to stow packages while shopping, repark your car in a different location, away from anyone who could have been observing, says Detective Bob Welsome of the New York City Police Department. Other options are to find out whether the mall has storage lockers available or ask security to hold your packages until you’re ready to leave.

Don’t dally

  • “Walk like you have a purpose,” said Officer Harry Nuskey of the Upper Merion Township, Pa., Police Department, near the popular Mall of Prussia. “Don’t wander, even if you don’t know where your car is.” Have your car key in hand before you leave the store. It can also act as a weapon if necessary, Guidetti says. Once in your car, lock the doors immediately and drive off. Don’t sit and do other things. That will lessen the chance of you becoming a target.

Beware of stranger danger

  • If you are approached or chased, yell or scream to get attention or go back to the store and alert security. If you are followed while driving, go to an open gas station or a populated area with plenty of light, Miller says. “Your best defense is a well-charged cell phone,” Miller said. “Get on the phone and call 911.”

 




Parking Lot Safety by Road and Travel

  • Don’t approach your vehicle if a van or other large vehicle with tinted windows is parked next to it. Find a security guard to walk you to your car; they are paid to do so. If a security guard isn’t available, look for a nearby couple walking to their car and say something like, “That vehicle wasn’t there when I parked. Would you mind making sure I get into my car safely?” Most people would be happy to lend a moment and ensure your safety.
  • Walk with purpose. Multiple studies have shown that a quick, purposeful walk sends subconscious signals to predators that you are not an easy mark. They typically decide to wait for another victim.
  • Keep one hand free at all times. This at least gives you the opportunity to attempt to fend-off a would-be attacker.
  • Have your key ready to open the car door. Never stand next to your car searching through your purse. Robbers, car-jackers and sexual predators all watch for this type of distraction.
  • Once in your car, lock the doors immediately. This is the time that a bystander could quickly and simply open a car door and let himself in, a frequent tactic since it doesn’t attract a lot of attention from passersby.
  • Get moving. Don’t sit inside of your vehicle adjusting the stereo, rummaging through shopping bags or your purse, or talking on your phone, especially if the lot is not well populated. Instead, drive to a well-lit area and stop the car (but leave it running) and then search for the item, make a phone call, etc.
  • If you have an unlocking button or keyless entry system, make sure you unlock only the driver door. Most keyless systems let you unlock either the driver door or use two punches to unlock all doors. Unlocking all doors allows a predator to simply slide into your car from the passenger side and do whatever he wants.
  • Make sure that your dome light is always functioning properly. As you unlock your vehicle at night, glance into the back seat and make sure that an attacker has not gained access to your car.
  • Lastly, never approach your vehicle if a single male is loitering anywhere near it. Period.




 CYBERSTALKING

12 Tips To Protect Yourself From Cyberstalking from AboutNews.  This is an abbreviated list, click HERE for more detailed information.

1- Never reveal your home address

2- Password protect all accounts

3- Conduct an internet search using your name and phone number

4- Be suspicious of any incoming emails, telephone calls or texts that ask you for your identifying information.

5- Never give out your Social Security Number

6- Utilize stat counters or other free registry counters that will record all incoming traffic to your blogs and web sites

7- Check your credit report status regularly

8- If you are leaving a partner, spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend – especially if they are abusive, troubled, angry or difficult – reset every single password on all of your accounts to something they cannot guess

 9- If you encounter something suspicious – a weird phone call or an emptied account that can’t be explained by your bank – it could be a cyberstalker so act accordingly. 

10- If you think you’re a target, have your PC checked by a professional

11- If you think you have a cyberstalker, move fast.

12- Get lots of emotional support to handle the cyberstalking period and to deal with the aftermath.

 

If you have been a victim of violent crime please contact Circle The Wagons for help with resources

For help with identifying, coping with, needing resources in any way for child abuse or domestic abuse, click HERE

Through blogging, LaTasha has become a very good friend and a blessing to know. She has a blog of her own called HitBelowTheBeltHard and has a line of self protection products called Safety First Self Defense. We collaborated on Safety Posts and you should check out hers. 

Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2015

Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today




Dating Pic

Dating, Conversation Starters & WOW Ideas

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Dating Pic

Dating, Conversation Starters and ‘Wow’ Ideas

Dating can be so fun…..or so ….uummm so dry.  A lot of it all depends on the planning, so here are some ideas for success.



 
Tips for winner dates:

  1. Plan
  2. Plan
  3. Plan
  4. Ok, you got the planning idea, right?
  5. When you ask the girl out, don’t say, what do you want to do.  She doesn’t know your budget, nor what in the world you have in mind for time frame, distance, etc.  You could ask her to choose between two choices however, such as mini golf and an easy hike.
  6. Let her know what you are doing so she can dress appropriately.
  7. Ask her curfew, or what time she would like to be home.  If she lives at home respect her parents rules of curfew.  If she lives in an apartment, dorm or alone, ask her what time she would like to be back; she may have an early shift to work in the morning, or homework or other things to finish that night.
  8. Going to dinner is not the best idea for a first date, as it can be expensive.  Ice cream and talking is perfect.  Short and sweet, long enough to talk and see if you have an interest in each other to further the relationship is great.
  9. With that being said, on of my sons’ always took his first date to dinner.  He said it was a sure-fire-hit either way since he got a meal he wanted (took her to a restaurant he liked) so he never felt like it was a total loss.
  10. Let your date know BEFORE the date if you are going to dinner so she knows whether to eat before.  My girls would go on a date with the presumption from a comment from the guy that they were going to eat and then they didn’t.  Their tummy’s would rumble all night…gggrrrr.
  11. Everyone play nice while on a date.  One of my girls had her date tell her how foolish it was for her to pursue the degree she was taking in college.  It was a first date, and she wanted to tell him the famous line from ‘Gone With The Wind’, “Frankly My Dear, I Don’t Give A _______” but she’s a lady and ignored him.  Later in the evening he told her how much he detested chocolate (what????).  So when he took her for ice cream she ordered up a double chocolate fudge, lol.  You don’t need to insult or be rude.  Dating is to find out if you are compatible.  Obviously they weren’t from the get-go, so be kind and find common ground and have a fun time.
  12. Always be a lady (gentleman).  One year when my oldest daughter was dating they gave out free passes to a local haunted house.  A young man took her to the haunted house and when they arrived they were handed a list of things to find for prizes at the end.  They had fun and I think may have even gotten a prize.  She was asked out by another young man and she was surprised when she ended up at the same haunted house.  She didn’t let on that she had been there, but they won prizes, lol.  By the end of October she had been there on several dates, all with different guys.  The staff at the haunted house began to question her to seeing her before.  She didn’t lie, but just said there are so many girls with dark long hair, it could be anyone.  She was coming home with lots of prizes though.  She knew it would embarrass the guys who took her, knowing it was free passes and that she had been there – many times by the end now – and it was more important to be kind then anything else.  So she played along and had that haunted house memorized by October 31st.





 Dates SHOULD be creative and interesting:

  1. Play Frisbee
  2. Take an easy hike
  3. Driving range, then if they don’t golf it’s not problem, but fun to try to whack the all
  4. Mini golf
  5. Take a board game and munchies to the park
  6. Bowling
  7. Aquarium
  8. Theater – the funny melodrama shows are the best
  9. Free concerts, but a good clean one
  10. Festival that is going on in your area, such as a Greek, German or Swiss for example
  11. Be a tourist for a day and visit somewhere unique or quirky
  12. Ice skating or roller skating – ask your date about this first to make sure they can
  13. Fishing
  14. Go to the zoo
  15. Go to the store and get kites and fly them
  16. Make sidewalk chalk art
  17. Play card games
  18. Movie dates generally are a no-no or should be rare.  You can’t talk and get to know each other.
  19. Go Paint-Balling
  20. Go for a nature walk

This list should get you going.  The main point is to plan!



Conversation Starters*:
It is so important to have things lined up to talk about, especially to a stranger.  It is OK to have silence, but not the entire date….boring.  So here’s a few ideas:

  • Have you lived here all your life?
  • What schools have you gone to?
  • How many siblings do you have?  Brothers? Sisters?
  • What are you most proud of?
  •  What’s your favorite movie?
  • Favorite movie line?
  • What’s your favorite type of music?
  • Who is your favorite artist?
  • What’s your favorite tv show?
  • If you have $1,000 to do anything with, but had to spend it on YOU, what would you do with it?
  • If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
  • Have you traveled anywhere?  Where?
  • Do you have any pets?
  • Where do you work?
  • What career are you working towards/are you in?
  • What’s the best job you have ever had?

Impression killers

  1. Don’t check your phone – no texting, calling, emailing, etc.  You are on a date for heaven’s sake!
  2. Do NOT talk about previous dates
  3. Do NOT talk about previous relationships until you are way down the line in the relationship
  4. Do NOT gossip about anyone, anything, NOTHING!
  5. Do NOT speak critical or rude about anything, NOTHING!
  6. Politics can be a risky subject – tread lightly
  7. Care more about your date than yourself in the conversation
  8. Don’t be late





How to IMPRESS

  • Smile at your date
  • Look at your date
  • Pay attention to your date
  • Don’t talk too much* (the above Conversation Starters are to be used in MODERATION as all things are!). Ask a question and let the conversation flow naturally.  You do not need to get through the entire flippin’ list on the first date, ok?!
  • Ask yourself often, does your date seem interested in you?  Adjust as needed.  You may not be able to fix it, personalities do not always mesh, but sometimes we get so caught up in trying to
  • The Gold Rule says it all:  Treat others as you would like to be treated.  Follow this sage advice and it will all be great.

Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2015
Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today
For More Posts On This Topic:
A Mother’s Shadow’ a novel by Carrie Groneman (available on Amazon), click HERE
Are We On A Date
To Date or Hang Out?
* Happily Ever After
What Kind Of Friends Do You Have
Dress To Impress
Teen Group Date & Party Ideas
Teen Asking & Dance Etiquette



Are We On a Date?

Are We On A Date?

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 Dating 2Are We On A Date?

 

There are definite Do’s and Don’ts to how to ask a date and how to behave on a date. 

I have some tips for making it a positive experience and worthwhile.


 

Continuing the series To Date Or Hang Out the next step is the art form of dating which we will address here in sections. 

Guys up first with the asking:

1. Do not fb, text or email to ask a girl out on a date. CALL her on the phone. You can FB, text or email to introduce yourself, get her number, etc., but to ask her out, CALL HER!
2. Make it clear to the gal – is this a date or a hangout does she pay or are you? Girls wonder: what are your motives, intentions? When you ask about Friday with friends, does that mean it’s a bunch of us and I’m supposed to bring friends, or is this a date you are asking me on? Make it clear and concise what your purpose and goal is.
3. Let your date know what you are doing so she knows what to wear. One time my sister Jody was asked out on a date and she dressed up, wearing heels. The guy picked her up and took her hiking…what? Don’t make that thoughtless mistake.
4. Sometimes making the first date a short one of an hour or less is advisable. Make the first date not a long one. Better to have it short and sweet then long and drag it out, particularly if it turns out that you/they are not interested in furthering the relationship.
5. It can be scary to ask a girl out, she might say no, but she might say YES!

Girls Turn:

1. Girls let the guys know you want to go on a date and not just hang out – somehow get the word out.
2. Girls if you must turn down a date, be kind and be sensitive about it. If you want to go out, but are not available for that particular time, make sure to let him know that too.
3. If you are being asked to a dance it is polite to go with the person who asks (see more on dance topics at the bottom of this post)


The Date:

1. Guys do NOT ask the girls where she wants to go eat unless you give two options of restaurants. She doesn’t know if you have the budget for Wendy’s or a fancy-sit-down, nor what to dress for.    DO let her know if you ARE going to eat  or NOT so she can grab something before you go, or wait to eat with you. 

2. When asking the girl out ask her curfew so you can plan accordingly.

3. Meet the parent(s) if possible when you pick up your date. Have her home by curfew and NO later; it is only respectful.

4. Guys be a leader, not lily-livered. Have a plan for the date. This avoids bad situations, regrets and possible unsafe settings.

5. While on the date, do NOT text, check FB or make phone calls, social media in any form. You are on a DATE with someone else.

6. When going out to eat, guys tell the girl what you are going to order so she knows what price range you are at. Girls order what the guy is ordering or below. Be considerate of his budget and DO eat something.  Don’t do the ‘Oh, I don’t eat much and that’s why I’m so skinny’ or ‘I’m on a diet’.  They want to buy you food, be nice and eat!!!

7. Guys still pay the bill. Be prepared to ask for another date IF the first goes well.

8. Guys open the doors. Let the gal go ahead of you into a building or the doorway. Use manners, they are never out of style.

9. Keep the conversation going, but do NOT tell you life story nor personal or private information on the first or even second date. Allow a relationship to develop as you communicate and information flows naturally.

10. When on a date be there. Do not talk about previous relationships and other dates, besides its poor manners.

11. Date a person in several types of situations to get to see what they are really like.

12. BOTH work to keep the conversation going. It should never be one or the other making all the effort.

Let the parents or someone else know where you are going on the date – guys let the gals know before or at the door.  This is critical for safety.

 SAFETY is FIRST and FOREMOST IMPORTANT.  Make sure as the guy you are preparing a date that will provide a safe environment.  As a gal, do all you can to be aware of your surroundings and to keep yourself protected as you can.


After The Date:

1. It’s ok to end as friends.

2. As you get a life*, generally love finds you. Not always does it happen that way, but more often than not.

Tips:

1. Act in a way that is appropriate and commendable. Don’t gossip and talk bad about others while on a date.

2. Dress modestly. It is important to dress attractively and in fashion, be it a man or woman. Dressing with taste and reserve does not limit or restrain. It actually demonstrates that the man or woman understands their inner value, qualities and worth. Conversely, wearing provocative clothing with the purpose to attract attention clearly screams I have this body to offer and not much else.

3. Be yourself – ALWAYS be genuine and true Deceptive is never good and back fires every time.

4. As you date a person regularly assess your relationship. Is everything revolving around your date? Too much of your life? Does your homework/job suffer? Are you ignoring your family and other important issues in your life? This is a time to reconsider what direction you are going and if it’s the life you want.

5. If you and your date are texting, emailing, FB, continually/constantly, that is not healthy.

Finding a person who enhances your personality for the better and you do the same for them; both putting God first, will help you sift through the dating pool to find your trophy.

Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2015

Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today

For More Posts On This Topic:

A Mother’s Shadow’ a novel by Carrie Groneman (available on Amazon), click HERE

To Date or Hang Out?

Dating, Conversation Starters & WOW Ideas

* Happily Ever After

What Kind Of Friends Do You Have

Dress To Impress

Teen Group Date & Party Ideas

Teen Asking & Dance Etiquette




To Date or Hang Out

To Date or Hang Out?

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To Date or Hang Out

To Date or Hang Out

In my novel, A Mother’s Shadow, Emily and Harry ‘court’ as it was called back in the day; dating as it is referred to most commonly now.  I am surprised at how things have changed in the dating world in just the last few decades.  It always has been important, and I believe it still is.  However, there seems to be a transformation from dating with a purpose, to just passing time and hanging out endlessly with no purpose, no direction, just  – – – hanging out.


 

Let’s start with a bit of the history of dating:

In times long gone by, marriages were arranged for political or monetary benefit or to gain property. Some marriages were even by capture and not by choice.

We have many of our chivalry dating rituals handed down to us from  Medieval times, such as a man opening doors for a woman and pulling out her chair. It was also the time that romance began to take precedence over arrangements for the benefit of a family, person or rulers.  The man would sing songs and recite poetry to the woman he wanted to court. The virtues of chastity and honor were held in the highest regard.

The Victorian Era (1837-1901) now put the primary focus of love and romance in a relationship. Courting became almost an art form; very formal and rigid.  If a man was interested in talking to a  lady, it was not proper for him to simply walk up and speak to her. Even after a proper introduction it was quite some time before it was considered appropriate for the man and woman to be seen in public speaking to each other. Couples were almost always escorted by a chaperone and a marriage proposal was hand written.

It is interesting as we look at the history of courting or dating.   Before 1900, courtship was between a man and a woman and it was with the deliberate purpose of getting to know each other and assessing the other as a potential husband or wife.   They were usually from the same area, and known by someone close to them so they could be assessed before the relationship was too far along.  The man would go to the woman’s home to court her, and then under the watchful eye of her mother and brothers.



A considerable change came with World War WWII and the way society viewed ‘proper’ courting, values and family involvement in the marital agreement. Introductions were no longer needed.  A man and woman were now able to go to a movie, for a ride, to dinner, anywhere without any escort or the safeguard of the family and close-knit neighbors. For better or worse, it brought change.

Now we have another significanttransformation in the dating arena.   Instead of dating or even courting, it is more common for groups of young men and young women, in their twenties and even thirties, or older, to ‘hang out’ as a group……all the time……just a mass of people all tagging along together…..and do this weekend after weekend, month after month, even year after year.

Hanging out DOES have a purpose:

  • It gives you a chance to meet new people that you might never would have meet as they come with others in the group.
  • You can get to know a person a bit, such as if you have anything in common, before you ask them out/accept to go on a date with them.

Caution:  Do not get stuck in the rut of of ‘friend zone’ of always hanging out and never actually dating to see how much you really do like that person.

Now for dating, let’s first look at the definition

Dating, a form of courtship, which may include any social activity undertaken by, typically, two persons with the aim of assessing each others suitability as a partner (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Date)

So why is it so important to pair off to date*:

  • Dating allows two people to get to know each other
  • You make friends that you otherwise wouldn’t have gotten to know as you date
  • Your circle of friends increase
  • Dating is so critical because it gives you a chance to get to know how the opposite sex thinks, behaves and reacts. 
  • You can communicate and relate much better after you are married as you date and become acquainted and more familiar with how the the opposite sex thinks, which comes from dating.
  • As you date more people you realize what kind of person you want to be married to and live with the rest of your life.  When you are a teenager you have a more panacea idea of what you want in a mate, but after dating, becoming more mature, growing older and a little wiser  (hopefully a lot wiser) your image of a spouse is more true of what will lead to a life of happiness and success as a family.
  •  When you find someone whose company you really enjoy, take it slow so that you can get to know the other person; at least have a better chance of truly knowing the other person.




Question:  Dating does cost money, time and you may go out with some…..do I dare say duds?  So why got through it all?  Is it worth the effort and work? 

Answer:  Geez, even a high school diploma takes years of showing up, doing things that were not always fun and keeping at it.  Why wouldn’t finding a right one be somewhat difficult too?

 The young man –

  • He learns to be a leader as he becomes assertive by asking a young woman out on a date. 
  • He becomes responsible as he provides a safe environment for his date, thinking ahead of the activity they will go on.
  • He becomes creative as he thinks of fun dates that do not involve a lot of money and the same old thing – such as a movie, or just watching tv.

The young woman –

  • She learns to be more perceptive and responsible as she thinks ahead for her own safety as possible.
  • She becomes more nurturing and skilled at looking out for others in the group, particularly her own date, and pay attention that they are included in the conversations and activity.

Both –

  • You learn to be a better conversationalist as you listen and converse with the other person and not just talk about yourself.  You make sure the conversation includes them, and is mostely about them.
  • Your social skills will increase and will rock off the charts if you will learn from others – mainly by observing what is working and what isn’t for you and others.
  • Is there a positive feeling for a success, such as helping your date and any others have a voice in the conversations.
  • Or a bomb, like when only going on and on about yourself, ignoring your date or gossiping about others.

Dating generally begins in high school to socialize, and can go into the early 20’s and beyond.  It’s also a way to get to know yourself and what you are about, and what you like and dislike; this is perfect and normal.


As you later (when the marrying age and prepared) date seriously to see the qualities in the other person that are important, and which will appear naturally over time, take it slow and get to know each other dating in different situations, you might want to ask yourself the following:

  • Will he/she be a good father or mother?
  • Will we have the potential to make a happy home together?
  • What do I need to do to be more prepared to be a better person?
  •  What do we have in common?
  • What don’t we have in common?
  • What strengths do they have that could help strengthen my weaknesses?
  • Do we have similar goals in life?
  • Do we feel the same about religion?
  • Do we feel the same about politics?
  • Most importantly of all, Is God the most important aspect for direction in their life, and of course yours?  If so, all will fall in place.

*Tips:

*Hanging out at a friends house, a youth group, a school activity or impromptu gathering can be an awesome way to meet new friends and have a chance to date outside the same circle of people.

*Dating, though awkward and even challenging, can help you understand yourself more as you meet others, get to know them and their personalities. 

*Waiting to date until at least sixteen is recommended because of all the physical, emotional and psychological changes that are naturally occurring, it is difficult to also add in the mix of the attraction of one-on-one with the opposite sex and handle it with sound wisdom, high morals and not have regrets later on.

*Group dating is another highly suggested consideration while you are in high school and even after; depending on your situation.  It offers safety and is easier as there are other people to talk to in the group, and it usually is more fun too.

*Leave the fear behind, find out where people are hanging out and meet new friends.

*Take the challenge to ask someone on a date/accept a date that isn’t the ‘perfect’ ideal of what you think you are looking for.  You never know…

*HAVE FUN!  ENJOY LIFE!  This is a remarkable time to dive right in and just swim in the BEST of the GOOD that life has to offer – that is what youth is all about.

Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2015

Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today

For More Posts On This Topic:

A Mother’s Shadow’ a novel by Carrie Groneman (available on Amazon), click HERE

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