My son's wedding and the details

I Met My Daughter-In-Law To Be For The First Time Over The Phone

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My son's wedding and the details

Wedding Details of my sons wedding

My head felt a little flush and my stomach got a bit tight. I was nervous, but at the same time I felt calm and happy for my son.  It was all so surreal as my son introduced us to our future daughter-in-law over face-time, a phone app, for the first time.  What would you do?

We chose colors, wedding details, and worked to get to know each other as much as possible over the phone that summer.  It’s been a year since then, and looking back, it was a wedding day of miracles, growing love and much joy.  

Let me share our story with you- it’s quite remarkable.

Dallin decided to leave Utah to attend law school at Creighton in Nebraska.  While he was there, he met Brooke.  

They dated;

Got to know each other;

Became very good friends;

They found they were beginning to love one another, and so they nurtured it with healthy dating.

Continuously working hard to lay a solid foundation of respect, trust and honor as the base; knowing that would make it last- happily.

It was becoming apparent, that both wanted this relationship to be a bond that would last forever.  

On a Sunday, as usual, Stan called to facetime Dallin.  Well, Brooke happened to be sitting next to Dallin. 

Stan, my handsome hubby, asked who the pretty gal was.

Well…. Dallin, who is more private in his social life than some of our other kids…kinda spilled the beans that he was seriously dating Brooke (very serious it turned out), and their love story for us began. 

Luckily for us, WE ADORE HER!!!  She is truly a blessing to our family and we couldn’t be happier to have her as a Groneman.

LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO DALLIN AND BROOKE

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

For me, it was an interesting experience because Brooke was working very hard to finish her schooling, preparing for the Bar Exam in Omaha. and working a part time job.  So, as much as she wanted to be involved, she could only do so much!

Ok, a little mom-in-law brag here: Brooke has a Bachelors Degree in Phycology, an MBA, a Juris Doctorate (specializing in Patent Law), and currently finishing a Masters in Biology as I write this post.

Anyway, back to my story. During that time, Dallin had traveled to Colorado to clerk for a judge as part of his schooling.

Meanwhile, I’m back here in Utah figuring out the details for the wedding and reception, as they decided to have it in Utah, and her family would travel here to participate.

 

MY GIRLS SAVED MY SANITY 

I am so blessed to have two daughters and 2 daughters-in-law, Brooke now joining the clan to make three. 🙂

Ohhhh SO much to do from arranging from what everyone would wear to decorating the reception center, to what to serve for refreshments, to countless other minor details. Needless to say, I was a bit overwhelmed, particularly not knowing Brooke well and wanting it to be ‘perfect’ for her.

My girls stepped in, and were angels!!! 

For example, one particularly exhausting day, after running from store to store, we finally found blouses to match the skirts I had been made from discount cloth that I found at a local fabric store.

Tawni and Ashley stayed until the very last minute, so we went to grab a bite to eat. We visited, laughed, and it was so nice to just relax. They are so good to me.

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

For the refreshments, I had a tight shoestring budget, but I also wanted it to be nice.  Danitra, one of my daughter’s, crunched numbers continually. 🙂 

We chased down donut trucks and other food trucks to try them out, to see if any of those would work— huge sacrifice I know—yummy:) (Isn’t my grand daughter adorable too!)  I look back on that time with fondness.  We always have such fun together. 

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

As a way to highlight Brookes colors, we settled on a sweet treat.We purchased the candy sticks at the Peppermint Place in American Fork. They have candy sticks in bulk in SO many colors and flavors! They really are the nicest people to work with too.

In American Fork at a candy store that is a dream of a kid – of any age – called The Peppermint Palace, they carry candy sticks in bulk in SO many colors and flavors! They really are the nicest people to work with too. And if you go during certain hours you can watch them decorate candy too!

Candy sticks were sweet additions to the centerpieces making it extra special. 

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

SHE CAME!

Brooke had been trying to find/make a wedding dress work for weeks back in Omaha.  With her heavy work and school schedule it was very frustrating for me to watch her go through that so far away.  That was one thing I couldn’t fix for her.  We lucked out (actually a miracle happened), and she was able to fly here for 2 1/2 days and boy did I cram in everything!

On our way to the airport, Stan, Delsi and I stopped at the Draper (Utah) Cold Stone Ice Cream Store. These wonderful store owners are who we had chosen to cater Dallin and Brooke’s wedding reception after Danitra and I had looked at all the choices.

Cheryl and Seth were AMAZING, and I would recommend them to everyone for any occasion you have!

We were able to taste so many of the ice creams, if not all off of them!  I mean they didn’t hold back, they were so kind and wanted to make sure we were happy with our choice.  We narrowed it down to 10, including a choice for those who have special dietary needs too! You’ve got to come the Draper store folks! 801-706-5867.  

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

We packed the containers of flavors we chose in dry ice and drove to the airport to pick up Brooke.

However, as the three of us stood there waiting for her, we watched others with their signs waiting for friends and relatives to arrive and realized we hadn’t brought anything to distinguish us.

Remember, she hadn’t met us in person before!  Sssooo, my ever resourceful handsome hubby Stan did this!

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

We found each other easily and headed straight for Debbie’s place.

Debbie owns Dessert Edge Cakes, they are DELISH, and extremely affordable too!

You get to taste the cake, choose your design and she is FABULOUS to work with!  www.dessertedgecakes.com  801-485-0354.  Tell her I sent you:) I wish I had a reason to just order a cake to eat it right now!!!

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

I ABOUT KILLED HER  IN THE DETAILS

The next day I was so excited to take Brooke to see the venue.  I had made an appointment for us at This Is The Place and we arrived in the morning.  What I didn’t realize is that Brooke hadn’t been to an elevation of 800 feet and we are at 5,500 feet.  So after showing her around some of the park after seeing the reception building, I get a call from my son asking me why I was trying to kill his fiance.  WHAT?  

She was too shy to tell me, but she was getting physically ill from the high altitude….oooppss….lesson learned.  

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

The next day was dress shopping.  We found her PERFECT dress at Petal’s & Promises Bridal in Logan 435-753-8022.  She looked just radiant and it was YES to the dress.

Picking out flower arrangements and many other details were worked out also.

It worked out so perfectly that Dallin was able to drive over from Colorado to join us.

Our family had the best time ‘helping’ pick out the final six flavors of ice cream – yummy!  All the siblings and grandkids sat around the table with spoons in hand as we tried each one of the flavors, some a few times, just to make sure we knew what it tasted like. 

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

THE BIG DAY ARRIVED

Dallin and Brooke chose to be married in the Salt Lake City LDS Temple.

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

Brooke with her mom, family and maid of honor. We are SO grateful to have these wonderful people as a part of our family too! 

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

I want to give a side note here to all those who have parents involved, namely mom’s who are unable to go into the temple to be with their daughters for the ceremony.  I found out, that day through miraculous events, that there is a special room at the Salt Lake Temple, in the visitor area on the south side. A room where guests wait for the wedding couple.

This dressing room has mirrors, and is really nice. And it CAN be used for brides to come to AFTER the ceremony, to get into her wedding dress, with the help of her mom, sisters, or whomever she would like to help her, so that they can also be apart of this very special occasion.  

The bride can then go out the south doors, or can be taken to where her groom is waiting at the traditional area to exit out the west doors facing the temple usual.  If you have this situation, call ahead and make arrangements for the comfort of all.  It made our day delightful to do this, as I was able to be Brooke’s escort in the temple, and then I was able to leave her with her mom, grandma, twin sister and friends to change into her wedding dress. This made everyone feel as included as possible. 

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

The couple with me, Stan and my beautiful mother-in-law Meredith.

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

WHAT’S A FIRST LOOK?

Brooke wanted the photographer Steve (amazing by the way) and works for James Erick Photography (801-678-6240) to do a ‘First Look’.  Steve was terrific to do anything and everything he could for us and didn’t flinch at the curve ball I tossed at him. Steve took it in stride and made it happen.  He was professional, patient, approachable and just nice the entire day and evening. We loved our pictures like these!

My son's wedding and the details

etails of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

Ok, sorry back to the wedding day.

Well, I hadn’t had a chance to explain the ‘First Look’ to Steve, but as I hinted he quickly put it together for us.  Brooke came out one door, she was with her mom, sister and friends at the south door which was convenient. While Dallin had his back to her when he came out the traditional door.  He had not seen her in her wedding dress, so this was the ‘First Time’ or ‘First Look’ – and his reaction was priceless. 

My son's wedding and the details

etails of wedding and reception fr bride and groom.

After family pictures were taken, they had the usual one taken areound Temple Square as a couple…..

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

Stan, our kids, a few others and I ran to the reception place to get things ready.  We had chosen The Heritage Building at This Is The Place in Salt Lake City                801-582-1847 (you know how much I love that place if you follow my Instagram, lol).

 

THE RECEPTION

The Cold Stone Creamery Ice Cream Bar was a HIT!  Ice cream of the guests choice, from the six flavors Dallin and Brooke chose – from the ten that we chose (remember they were out of state so we selflessly tasted all the scrumptious ice creams and picked the ten out for them) and they were even labeled with ‘Groom’s’ and ‘Bride’s’ Favorites for fun! They guest could have their ice cream in a delicious waffle bowl with a choice of four syrups such as chocolate, caramel, strawberry, etc.  Then the toppings, and these aren’t all of them!  It really was the best bargain AND we got to take the extra home!!!  

Ice cream of the guests choice, from the six flavors Dallin and Brooke chose – from the ten that we chose (remember they were out of state so we sacrificed and tasted all the scrumptious ice creams and picked the ten for them) and they were even labeled with ‘Groom’s’ and ‘Bride’s’ Favorites for fun! The guest could have their ice cream served in a delicious waffle bowl with a choice of four syrups such as chocolate, caramel, strawberry, etc.  Then the toppings, and these aren’t all of them!  It really was the best bargain AND we got to take the extra home!!!  

What did we do with the extra ice cream and waffle bowls?  If you’ve read about our 2nd Sunday’s, it happened to be one that weekend, and you can read all about how that came together HERE

The Strawberry Mango Banana Sorbet was the Gluten-free, Vegan Free, Dairy Free and AMAZINGLY YUMMY!!!

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

In Utah, it’s not unusual to have a traditional receiving line, which we did.  This means the parent(s) of the bride and groom, sometimes siblings and special friends; along with newlyweds, greet guests who come to see them, as they stand in a line for a specific time during the reception.  It’s a wonderful chance to thank those who took the time to come for their kindness, to spend a little time and share their special day.

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

SHOW OFF:) 

Stan collected pictures of Brooke and gathered many of Dallin’s to put in a slide show along with music for the guests to watch so they could get to know them a little bit better as they enjoyed the reception. 

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

KIDS ARE WELCOME

Receptions that have a traditional line, or a dinner, or whatever the case maybe, and involve toddlers or kids can be difficult because they become bored.

We wanted the kids to have something to do, so the parents were comfortable to stay, visit, relax.   To enjoy their time with us, those they met there and each other. 

I LOVE having my grand kids a part of anything possible!

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

My daughter-in-law Ashley made all the grand daughter’s girls dresses.  They were just adorable and as sweet as could be- Perfect for the day! She would love to make little girls dresses, and matching items for the boys for your special day.

You will find Ashley here: Aria’s Little Lovely Dresses 

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

WHAT DO WE DO WITH THESE KIDS?

So to solve this issue we had a KIDS AREA!  

We had wonderful gals who agreed to stay the length of the reception in the Kids Area so I didn’t need to worry about that at all.  They were there to help them, get out the supplies, food and look after them as need, but the door STAYED OPEN and parents were gotten as children cried or needed anything.

We had a video showing:

Choose one that is very family friendly and that a wide age range would enjoy.

Toys such as:
Lincoln Logs

Cars & Floor Road

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

You gotta feed ’em Food: 

I LOVE these cups!  They have lids, a way to mark the kids names on them and it’s easier to keep from spills which is IMPORTANT for those of us who cannot risk a slip or fall for injury!  Check out these drinking cups for the kiddos HERE

Goldfish Crackers are always a hit with kids of any age.  You can easily find them HERE

Annies Organic Fruit Snacks are a healthy treat to have on hand, they are HERE

Granola Bars are good to have also, check these out HERE 

 

Keep ’em busy with Things to Do:

Clipboards solve the issue of what the kids have to color on for the coloring pages and whatever else. I have a link HERE

HERE is a coloring book for young kids to take out the pages for each child to color for an idea you can see.

Dot-to-dot is always a hit, and pages come out easily for passing out. You might like this one HERE.

HERE are word searches and more.

Oh don’t forget crayons HERE

And lastly for this activity it’s great to have colored pencils, especially if you have coloring pages for olders kids and even adults, I have a link HERE

Adjust for ages and you can have coloring pages for ages up through adult too:)

——————

Back to Dallin & Brooke

THE CAKE CUTTING

Always a fun part of the reception.  I’ll let you guess if they made a mess…:)

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

THE FLOWER TOSS *See more of the flowers below

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

THE GARTER TOSS

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

FIRST DANCE AS A COUPLE

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

And now it’s time to leave for the honeymoon.

I would suggest one thing that I learned from that night. 

I had purchased bubbles with HUGE ratings, ‘perfect’ 5-Star, all of that. Yet you can see here we are without any bubbles :/

May I recommend THIS for your event, in addition to the bottles of BUBBLES.  It’s good to have THIS as a backup to add to the pageantry…. you know….to look marvelous for the pictures.  THIS is what my grand kids love to play with and it really works! I definitely would have had it in addition to the BOTTLES OF BUBBLESif I would have know about it.  Better safe, then…well…without bubbles, lol. 

Regardless of the failing bubbles, the couple looked amazing, and off they went to Italy!

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

Stan and I can’t tell all the family and friends who helped in countless ways, how grateful we are for making Dallin and Brookes wedding remarkable.  We appreciate all the kindnesses and generosity that were shown in large and small ways; it all made such a difference. 

 

THE FLOWERS

We loved our flower lady who made the most incredible bouquets, Boutonniere’s, mother’s corsages, and all the other arrangements involving flowers.  Her name is Pat and she has a charming shop by her home called Berglund Floral.  You can reach her at (801) 444-2026.  Pat is extremely easy to work with and her prices are very affordable.  I hope you give her a call.

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

SMELL THE ROSES, THEN SPREAD THE LOVE

I apologize for the terrible quality of this picture, but it was that important that I share this with you.

At the venue, there was a HUGE fireplace with a ginormous mantle that would show in the pictures behind us.  I needed to do something with it, and since we were decorating, it needed to be on a shoestring budget, but also very attractive and nice.

I started looking for ideas and came across Sam’s Club and that they sold roses in bulk – who knew?  Right!

They were wonderful to work with and they delivered them on the exact day I needed them and they were GORGEOUS!!!!

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

Pat worked her magic and made a stunning display to put on the mantle using all the roses I purchased.  You can see how talented she is to incorporate inexpensive artificial greenery and flowers with the roses.  It was perfect.

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

After the reception, I had dozens and dozens of roses left over—-what to do with them all?

Actually, I had a plan all along.  

See, I had been saving up bottles the few weeks prior to the reception as I emptied them when cooking.  Mayo jars, pickle bottles, fun salad dressing bottles; all sorts of things. I soaked them and cleaned off the labels, having them ready for this event I knew was coming. 

While cleaning up that night, I had everyone keep the longer ribbons attached to the square vases holding the candy sticks and other vases.

Arranging the roses, greenery, and ribbons it turned out like this. 

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

Can you guess what I did?

I took them to a local care center!  They loved them and enjoyed them more than we ever could have.  

If you have left over flowers, corsages, boutonniere’s or any decorations that would be appropriate to cheer someone else up with —PLEASE, don’t hesitate to drop them off. Or better yet, take the family, friends, or just you go on it say HELLO and make some’s day a little better.

 

LET’S BACK UP A LITTLE

The night before the wedding, Brookes family came into town and we were able to meet them and get together for a very casual dinner.  

Derek and Tawni (my son and daughter-in-law) were so gracious to host this event at their home. They made everyone feel very welcome and comfortable.

Because they have a wood burning brick oven on their deck, they chose to make homemade pizzas.  It was so delicious and really a nice evening.  Stan and I are very grateful to Derek, Tawni and everyone who helped make that night so yummy and fun.

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

COOKIN

Tawni, and her helper, were prepping in the kitchen – don’t worry, we didn’t leave it all up to those two, we helped too:) Tawni made several flavors of scrumptious pizzas. 

Derek does a fantastic job baking up the works of art that Tawni makes, I mean they are AMAZING – we caught him taste testing.

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

We brought salads and sides.

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

And PIZZA is Served!

My son's wedding and the details

Details of wedding and reception for bride and groom.

I hope you have enjoyed this wedding post.  Best wishes for many years of happiness and health to the happy couple.

Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2017

Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today.

Asking and Answering to High School Dances

Help Me! It’s Time For The Dance, Now What Do I Do?

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Part 3

Think about your clothing

  • Girls remember to choose shoes wisely and have your dress hemmed accordingly; you don’t want to trip over it all night.  
  • You are going to be in those shoes aallooonnnggg time that day and or night.  Keep that in mind when you pick them out.  Shoes like these below are cute, but not easy to dance, or walk in very long! If you do get blisters, use a piece of moleskin on the sore.  You can see it HERE
    Dating asking and answering

    Dating asking and answering

  • Girls, use body tape to keep blouses or tops in place and not revealing.  Also great for a quick hem fix. This tape is amazing and a must. Find it HERE

Modesty, however, is extremely attractive! 

  • PLEASE find a dress (or modify it) so it is modest. Little dresses are not enough to cover the subject in my humble opinion…

It is awkward and embarrassing for a young man when he expects his date will dress appropriately; yet finds otherwise when picking her up.  Seriously consider that you are advertising by how you dress.  I have 3 sons and 2 daughters. And from many years of experience and watching all the young men and women come through my life as friends of my kids, the girls appreciate when the other girls in the group are dressed modestly because of the atmosphere it creates.  The guys appreciate it, and can easily see how much self-confidence a girl has, when she doesn’t feel that she has to ‘advertise’ her body, as all that she has to offer – is skimpy clothing.  This leads to respect and friendship; the basis of all great relationships.

EXTRA GOOD INFO

Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering

  • To the young men being asked to a girls preference: When you are asked to a dance, if you feel it appropriate, give a her or small box of candy when she picks you up as a small thank you.
  • To the young ladies being asked to a guys preference: When you are asked to a dance, if you feel it appropriate, give a small box of candy to your date when he picks you up as a small thank you.

Such as:  HERE is one idea, and HERE is another, and HERE, and so many more if you type in ‘thank you’.

WHY?
It shows appreciation to that person that they would go to the expense and effort to take you to the dance. This goes a long way in showing gratitude, which comes out more naturally in other aspects of your life as you practice it here.

BIG DONT’s!

  • Do NOT be forward! Meaning, do not try to hold hands or hug, etc, etc, etc, if the other is not interested.
  • Do not dance suggestively!  Doing so, only ‘advertises’ that person has little to offer, and make the others in the group/date uncomfortable.
  • Profanity, crude jokes, and language are overheard by many.  My daughters would turn down dates with guys after hearing them talk in such a manner. Likewise, my sons would also not ask girls out after they overheard them talking ‘like a sailor’.   It is not impressive but degrading.

You Do NOT want to be remembered by your date, or others in the group like this-

Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering

BIG DO’s!

  • Let your date, their parents and yours, know the plans for the activities, times of events, cell numbers (at least yours if not others in the group) and locations for the night’s events. Providing an itinerary is very appreciated by parents and your date beforehand so they know how to prepare.  Such as how to dress for (it’s is not fun for a girl who is wearing heels to find out they are going on a long hike after leaving her house for the date – yikes!), what time to expect the date to start and end; all those details.  Besides being just plain considerate, it provides safety.

Girls, here’s a VERY useful tip:

  • I created a post that gives very simple step-by-step instructions on how to make a temporary pocket on your slip.  This will go under your dress to hold a cell phone, some money, your lipstick, maybe a credit card, your car key if you drove and a few needed items.  Ladies, you never, EVER want to be left in a compromising situation, and not having control of your phone, your car key if you drove, money, puts you in a possible dangerous situation if you do not know your date well….or even if you do! Gals I know you don’t want to carry a purse and will often times give your things to your date, which is not a good idea.  So this will allow you to carry them effortlessly, not matter the length of your dress, since it goes on your slip, to keep you safe.  Check it out HERE

Finally: You will want to remembered as a good person and someone others want to be around.  If you live by the Golden Rule:   Do Unto Others as you would have Them Do Unto You, then you will build a great reputation and wonderful friendships.  So enjoy this time of your life by being smart, staying safe and make good choices. 

I have awesome printables for ASKING AND ANSWERING TO DANCES and a Dating CHEAT SHEET to make dances AWESOME!

Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2013, 2018

Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today.

Pictures courtesy of Pixabay

More Teen Interests:

Part 1: How To Make Going To A High School Dance Painless

 

 

 

Part 2:  It’s Time For The Dance And Anxiety Has Arrived!

 

 

 

TEEN GROUP DATE & PARTY IDEAS
DATING CONVERSATION STARTER’S & WOW IDEAS
ARE WE ON A DATE?
TO DATE OR HANG OUT?
STORY ABOUT CHOOSE GOOD FRIENDS VS  ‘friends’ 

Asking and Answering to High School Dances

Help Me! It’s Time For The Dance, Now What Do I Do?

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

 

Part 3

Think about your clothing

  • Girls remember to choose shoes wisely and have your dress hemmed accordingly; you don’t want to trip over it all night.  
  • You are going to be in those shoes aallooonnnggg time that day and or night.  Keep that in mind when you pick them out.  Shoes like these below are cute, but not easy to dance, or walk in very long! If you do get blisters, use a piece of moleskin on the sore.  You can see it HERE
    Dating asking and answering

    Dating asking and answering

  • Girls, use body tape to keep blouses or tops in place and not revealing.  Also great for a quick hem fix. This tape is amazing and a must. Find it HERE

Modesty, however, is extremely attractive! 

  • PLEASE find a dress (or modify it) so it is modest. Little dresses are not enough to cover the subject in my humble opinion…

It is awkward and embarrassing for a young man when he expects his date will dress appropriately; yet finds otherwise when picking her up.  Seriously consider that you are advertising by how you dress.  I have 3 sons and 2 daughters. And from many years of experience and watching all the young men and women come through my life as friends of my kids, the girls appreciate when the other girls in the group are dressed modestly because of the atmosphere it creates.  The guys appreciate it, and can easily see how much self-confidence a girl has, when she doesn’t feel that she has to ‘advertise’ her body, as all that she has to offer – is skimpy clothing.  This leads to respect and friendship; the basis of all great relationships.

 

EXTRA GOOD INFO

Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering

  • To the young men being asked to a girls preference: When you are asked to a dance, if you feel it appropriate, give a her or small box of candy when she picks you up as a small thank you.
  • To the young ladies being asked to a guys preference: When you are asked to a dance, if you feel it appropriate, give a small box of candy to your date when he picks you up as a small thank you.

Such as:  HERE is one idea, and HERE is another, and HERE, and so many more if you type in ‘thank you’.

 

WHY?

It shows appreciation to that person that they would go to the expense and effort to take you to the dance. This goes a long way in showing gratitude, which comes out more naturally in other aspects of your life as you practice it here.

 

BIG DONT’s!

  • Do NOT be forward! Meaning, do not try to hold hands or hug, etc, etc, etc, if the other is not interested.
  • Do not dance suggestively!  Doing so, only ‘advertises’ that person has little to offer, and make the others in the group/date uncomfortable.
  • Profanity, crude jokes, and language are overheard by many.  My daughters would turn down dates with guys after hearing them talk in such a manner. Likewise, my sons would also not ask girls out after they overheard them talking ‘like a sailor’.   It is not impressive but degrading.

You Do NOT want to be remembered by your date, or others in the group like this-

Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering

BIG DO’s!

  • Let your date, their parents and yours, know the plans for the activities, times of events, cell numbers (at least yours if not others in the group) and locations for the night’s events. Providing an itinerary is very appreciated by parents and your date beforehand so they know how to prepare.  Such as how to dress for (it’s is not fun for a girl who is wearing heels to find out they are going on a long hike after leaving her house for the date – yikes!), what time to expect the date to start and end; all those details.  Besides being just plain considerate, it provides safety.

Girls, here’s a VERY useful tip:

  • I created a post that gives very simple step-by-step instructions on how to make a temporary pocket on your slip.  This will go under your dress to hold a cell phone, some money, your lipstick, maybe a credit card, your car key if you drove and a few needed items.  Ladies, you never, EVER want to be left in a compromising situation, and not having control of your phone, your car key if you drove, money, puts you in a possible dangerous situation if you do not know your date well….or even if you do! Gals I know you don’t want to carry a purse and will often times give your things to your date, which is not a good idea.  So this will allow you to carry them effortlessly, not matter the length of your dress, since it goes on your slip, to keep you safe.  Check it out HERE

Finally: You will want to remembered as a good person and someone others want to be around.  If you live by the Golden Rule:   Do Unto Others as you would have Them Do Unto You, then you will build a great reputation and wonderful friendships.  So enjoy this time of your life by being smart, staying safe and make good choices. 

 

I have awesome printables for ASKING AND ANSWERING TO DANCES in the store for free as wee as well as the Dating CHEAT SHEET!

Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2013, 2018

Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today.

Pictures courtesy of Pixabay

More Teen Interests:

Part 1: How To Make Going To A High School Dance Painless

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Part 2:  It’s Time For The Dance And Anxiety Has Arrived!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TEEN GROUP DATE & PARTY IDEAS

DATING CONVERSATION STARTER’S & WOW IDEAS

ARE WE ON A DATE?

TO DATE OR HANG OUT?

STORY ABOUT CHOOSE GOOD FRIENDS VS  ‘friends’ 

HELP IS HERE TO ORGANIZE YOUR ROOM!

 

Asking and Answering to High School Dances

It's Time For The Dance And Anxiety Has Arrived!

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Asking and Answering to High School Dances

Help with knowing what to do for a High School Dance


 

Part 2 

PREPARATION IS EVERY THING

Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering


How do we make this dance as perfect as possible?  Just like everything else that’s GREAT, you think ahead and PLAN!

  • Let’s prepare for the date.
  • Sit down and write it all out.
  • Make an itinerary of what you are doing, where you are going and give that to your date so she/he knows how to dress, what time things are happening and they can prepare for hair appointments, school projects, family activities and other events in their life. It’s a winner idea and so polite!
  • There are a few things you can control, meaning the details are huge; small and large.
  • If you are in charge or are the one asking, make sure to know:

WHERE you are going to eat
WHAT you are doing for the event

  • Such as, are you doing a day activity, group activity, games or anything like that as part of this dance?  I have ideas for you HERE to help you out

Once you’ve done all of that to your best, RELAX and have FUN!  
Above all, remember, you can’t control the what the others are doing, little hiccups that will crop up, and things out of your control, so just go-with-the-flow and ENJOY! It will work out if you’ve done your part and are a good sport and easy going  😉 
HOW do you act and behave on a date




 
Let’s start with HOW TO ACT WITH YOUR DATE so you don’t come across as obnoxious, not nice or worse.

Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering

  • Do NOT switch dates at the dance/date! You have been asked by a person who is paying for your ticket, your dinner, so be polite to them.  Pay attention to your date all night. It’s only right, kind and shows good manners. 
  • Young ladies don’t split up, segregating into a girls section. You are on a date, NOT a girls- night- out at the expense of someone else.
  • Be appropriate in your behavior and kind to everyone in the group – that is EVERYONE!
  • Girls talk to your parents about the ‘door-step’ scene and how to best handle the situation; and what they expectation. Girls, do NOT have this conversation with other girls in front of your date or especially the guys in the group, it’s awkward for them.  A handshake, hug (not body mashing), or just a thank you is what you should be discussing BEFORE the date.  

* If you don’t have someone to talk to you about this, I’ll give you my advice here. Some girls have the impression that if a guy spends money on them, they ‘owe’ them something.  The ONLY thing you OWE them is to be polite, courteous and a gracious person on the date!  If you are comfortable giving a hug at the doorstep, then fine, but you should NEVER feel obligated to do more than that, nor ever anything you are uncomfortable with.  E.V.E.R.!  Email me and we will chat.

  • Teach your son, or daughter, that even if they go to the dance (or on a date) with someone they are not as interested in,  it is so important to STILL be gracious and POLITE. That person is spending money, time and energy on your teen. The date should have an attitude of respect towards your son or daughter, of being NICE and not a jerk for the rest of their life.  Other people will be watching also, to know if they want to risk the same treatment.
  • In a dance group one of my kids happened to be in, a young lady asked a young man who was extremely popular and I wondered how this would work out.  She was cute, but not ‘drop-dead-gorgeous’ as other girls I knew this young man went out with and I think it was her first dance.  Being involved all day with the group, from the day activity, to the dinner, and afterward for dessert, I witnessed first-hand the situation.   I have the highest admiration for that young man!  You would have thought he was out with a super model with the way he paid attention to her, and was genuinely nice the entire time.  They never went out again, but for that night, she was the bell of the ball and treated as such.

 
WHAT DO I DO AT DINNER? – the restaurant or wherever you eat

Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering

  1. When going to a restaurant, make sure to order an average priced menu item, or the samefood your date does. Do not be rude and try to bust his/her budget.
  2. Do not eat with your mouth open.
  3. Do not talk with your mouth full of food, or even partially full of food—please!
  4. Men open doors, pull out chairs, etc..  It’s charming and gentlemanly.  Ladies allow them do it.  It is NOT a sign of weakness to have manners!
  5. While in the subject of table manners, please, please, please do not chew gum.  Very few, if any, are capable of chewing gum without popping, snapping, chomping and looking a wee bit ‘cowish’.  It’s annoying and not flattering.  Breath mints, however, ARE flattering.
  6. Brush up on which fork to use and when; along with the other utensils and pieces at the table.





WHAT DO I TALK ABOUT?

  • Do you worry about being boring?
  • Worry about dead silence for minutes or an hour at a time?
  • For sure, do not talk about other guys or girls on your date. That’s major jerkiness!
  • Girls, please be kind when speaking about other girls in the group, or otherwise.  This really sets the tone for the entire event.
  • Be interested in THEM! Ask about their hobbies, their job, what they are doing – don’t’ talk about yourself all night.  Give yourself the 3-1 rule.  You get to talk about yourself one time to three of theirs. About one subject or topic to three of theirs.  It makes for a wonderful evening, you just might make a great friend, and learn something too.

To go with these tips, I have a post to help you out HERE all about conversation starters and tips for not sounding……well…..boring or just empty-headed, but someone who is incredibly interesting and fun.

Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering


 
Come on over and visit Part 3 the final post in the Series and I’ll give you some ideas on how to dress for the event, along with big do’s and don’ts 
Remember to download those helpful Asking & Answering Printables 
And the Dating Cheat-sheet at the store for free!
 

Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2013, 2018

Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today.

Pictures courtesy of Pixabay

More Teen Interests:

Part 1: How To Make Going To A High School Dance Painless

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Part 3:  Help Me! It’s Time For The Dance, Now What Do I Do?

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
TEEN GROUP DATE & PARTY IDEAS
DATING CONVERSATION STARTER’S & WOW IDEAS
ARE WE ON A DATE?
TO DATE OR HANG OUT?
STORY ABOUT CHOOSE GOOD FRIENDS VS  ‘friends’ 
HELP IS HERE TO ORGANIZE YOUR ROOM!
 
 

Asking and Answering to High School Dances

It’s Time For The Dance And Anxiety Has Arrived!

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Asking and Answering to High School Dances

Help with knowing what to do for a High School Dance

 

Part 2 

PREPARATION IS EVERY THING

Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering

How do we make this dance as perfect as possible?  Just like everything else that’s GREAT, you think ahead and PLAN!

  • Let’s prepare for the date.
  • Sit down and write it all out.
  • Make an itinerary of what you are doing, where you are going and give that to your date so she/he knows how to dress, what time things are happening and they can prepare for hair appointments, school projects, family activities and other events in their life. It’s a winner idea and so polite!
  • There are a few things you can control, meaning the details are huge; small and large.
  • If you are in charge or are the one asking, make sure to know:

WHERE you are going to eat

WHAT you are doing for the event

  • Such as, are you doing a day activity, group activity, games or anything like that as part of this dance?  I have ideas for you HERE to help you out

Once you’ve done all of that to your best, RELAX and have FUN!  

Above all, remember, you can’t control the what the others are doing, little hiccups that will crop up, and things out of your control, so just go-with-the-flow and ENJOY! It will work out if you’ve done your part and are a good sport and easy going  😉 

HOW do you act and behave on a date




 

Let’s start with HOW TO ACT WITH YOUR DATE so you don’t come across as obnoxious, not nice or worse.

Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering

  • Do NOT switch dates at the dance/date! You have been asked by a person who is paying for your ticket, your dinner, so be polite to them.  Pay attention to your date all night. It’s only right, kind and shows good manners. 
  • Young ladies don’t split up, segregating into a girls section. You are on a date, NOT a girls- night- out at the expense of someone else.
  • Be appropriate in your behavior and kind to everyone in the group – that is EVERYONE!
  • Girls talk to your parents about the ‘door-step’ scene and how to best handle the situation; and what they expectation. Girls, do NOT have this conversation with other girls in front of your date or especially the guys in the group, it’s awkward for them.  A handshake, hug (not body mashing), or just a thank you is what you should be discussing BEFORE the date.  

* If you don’t have someone to talk to you about this, I’ll give you my advice here. Some girls have the impression that if a guy spends money on them, they ‘owe’ them something.  The ONLY thing you OWE them is to be polite, courteous and a gracious person on the date!  If you are comfortable giving a hug at the doorstep, then fine, but you should NEVER feel obligated to do more than that, nor ever anything you are uncomfortable with.  E.V.E.R.!  Email me and we will chat.

  • Teach your son, or daughter, that even if they go to the dance (or on a date) with someone they are not as interested in,  it is so important to STILL be gracious and POLITE. That person is spending money, time and energy on your teen. The date should have an attitude of respect towards your son or daughter, of being NICE and not a jerk for the rest of their life.  Other people will be watching also, to know if they want to risk the same treatment.
  • In a dance group one of my kids happened to be in, a young lady asked a young man who was extremely popular and I wondered how this would work out.  She was cute, but not ‘drop-dead-gorgeous’ as other girls I knew this young man went out with and I think it was her first dance.  Being involved all day with the group, from the day activity, to the dinner, and afterward for dessert, I witnessed first-hand the situation.   I have the highest admiration for that young man!  You would have thought he was out with a super model with the way he paid attention to her, and was genuinely nice the entire time.  They never went out again, but for that night, she was the bell of the ball and treated as such.

 

WHAT DO I DO AT DINNER? – the restaurant or wherever you eat

Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering

  1. When going to a restaurant, make sure to order an average priced menu item, or the samefood your date does. Do not be rude and try to bust his/her budget.
  2. Do not eat with your mouth open.
  3. Do not talk with your mouth full of food, or even partially full of food—please!
  4. Men open doors, pull out chairs, etc..  It’s charming and gentlemanly.  Ladies allow them do it.  It is NOT a sign of weakness to have manners!
  5. While in the subject of table manners, please, please, please do not chew gum.  Very few, if any, are capable of chewing gum without popping, snapping, chomping and looking a wee bit ‘cowish’.  It’s annoying and not flattering.  Breath mints, however, ARE flattering.
  6. Brush up on which fork to use and when; along with the other utensils and pieces at the table.




WHAT DO I TALK ABOUT?

  • Do you worry about being boring?
  • Worry about dead silence for minutes or an hour at a time?
  • For sure, do not talk about other guys or girls on your date. That’s major jerkiness!
  • Girls, please be kind when speaking about other girls in the group, or otherwise.  This really sets the tone for the entire event.
  • Be interested in THEM! Ask about their hobbies, their job, what they are doing – don’t’ talk about yourself all night.  Give yourself the 3-1 rule.  You get to talk about yourself one time to three of theirs. About one subject or topic to three of theirs.  It makes for a wonderful evening, you just might make a great friend, and learn something too.

To go with these tips, I have a post to help you out HERE all about conversation starters and tips for not sounding……well…..boring or just empty-headed, but someone who is incredibly interesting and fun.

Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering

 

Come on over and visit Part 3 the final post in the Series and I’ll give you some ideas on how to dress for the event, along with big do’s and don’ts 

Remember to download those very helpful Asking & Answering Tag Printables HERE

And a Dating Cheat Sheet HERE

 

Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2013, 2018

Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today.

Pictures courtesy of Pixabay

More Teen Interests:

Part 1: How To Make Going To A High School Dance Painless

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Part 3:  Help Me! It’s Time For The Dance, Now What Do I Do?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TEEN GROUP DATE & PARTY IDEAS

DATING CONVERSATION STARTER’S & WOW IDEAS

ARE WE ON A DATE?

TO DATE OR HANG OUT?

STORY ABOUT CHOOSE GOOD FRIENDS VS  ‘friends’ 

 

 

 

Asking and Answering to High School Dances

How To Make Going To A High School Dance Painless

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Asking and Answering to High School Dances

Help with knowing what to do for a High School Dance

Part 1

Does the thought of a high school dance cause a slight panic attack?

Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering

Does your head start to pound with questions like:

  • Who will I ask?
  • How will I ask?
  • What if they say no?
  • What if they say yes?
  • What will I wear?
  • Where do we go to eat?
  • What will I say?
  • How do I act at dinner?
  • What do we talk about?

 

I remember lying on the gym floor as my date asked me if he should take someone else to the dance…….

 

WHAT?

 

Yep, it really happened.

I’ve always had issues with my knees dislocating and giving me problems, BUT THIS!

Our gym classes were held in the armory where the National Guard held their drills on the weekends.  It also served our small high school with a large enough space for sporting events, assemblies, and as I mentioned the gym classes for both boys and girls; girls on one side of the gym and boys on the other.

Me being tall, I was designated to ‘Jump-for-the-Ball’.  As I came down I landed wrong, ending up in a total dyslocation of my knee cap.  I’ll spare you the ugly details, you can look it up.

As I lay there waiting for the ambulance, my prom date, who had asked several weeks in advance (yeah….. I was flattered, I’ll admit it) came over to see what was going on.

Surveying the rather unpleasant situation, realizing the prom was about a month away, he sat down beside me on the cold gym floor and asked:  So, do you think I should ask someone else, you know, just in case you won’t be able to go?

Geez….seriously???!!!???

What happened?

Well, I was off crutches by the dance and we had a great time at the prom.

So back to the dance that YOU are thinking about going to, or are committed to since you’ve already asked someone, now…..

Dating asking and answering

Dating asking and answering

WHY GO?

Back to our dance topic.

  1. If you are still deciding –
  2. Some say it’s not a big deal, they never went and were a better person for it—-hmmm, that’s ok and great!
  3. Some of my kids went to a few, and some went to dozens of them at several high schools all over the area.
  4. Either way, they met so many new people, gained new friends and still call on those people for opportunities for jobs, advice and look for ways to help them out too. 

 

MY ADVICE

Going to some dances myself, having five kids go through public schools and dozens and dozens of dances between them, I look back and I see only positives to going.

IF, now there are IF’s to this.

  • Here’s where I’ll give you some tips for success.  
  • Of course, there will be some that are really fun and memorable; meaning you will remember them with fondness.
  • And there will be some that might be a dud……but life is like that.
  • At a dance, you have experiences in a setting that is formal.  It provides the setting for the occasion to act and behave as you would in a very nice business atmosphere; there are other benefits come from this type of experience as you mature in your attitude. Again IF you are there with proper motives.
  • Make sure to carry out the dance, the activity, and everything AFFORDABLY!!! There’s no reason not to, just be creative! HERE are some ideas




WHO TO ASK 

  • Definitely ask someone who shares your same values and morals.  This keeps you safe in many ways. 
  • I wish I could help you understand that  what/who seems ‘popular’ now it really doesn’t matter a day after high school graduation.  Ask someone that is interesting, who has something going for them (meaning they are trying to better them self in some way) is kind and has values.  They can be popular and have these qualities no doubt, but don’t base your choice on what others think.  Ask your parents for their advice. 
  •  Look around and ask someone who may not have ever gone to a dance, or has never been asked to a girls/boys choice.  This can truly be life changing for the other person, letting them know they are valuable and wanted in a group. Then treat them as such, never as a ‘charity case’ became the only reflects badly on you. 

DANCES Ideas for asking and answering for High School Dances

  •  Ask with a puzzle. Put it together, flip it over and write on the back, then take it apart and put it back in the box with a note that a question or the answer is ‘in the box’. In chalk, on the driveway, draw and write a cross word puzzle to ask or answer. Write the asking or answering, cut it up and put each piece in a different balloon. Fill each balloon with helium or just blow up for the person being asked to pop.
  • Using trail reflectors, send the person on a ‘bear hunt’, with waypoints (can even have pictures of bears) for different clues that lead to the end question or answer.  Have cinnamon bears or a teddy grahams or a toy at the end or at way-points.
  • Make an excel spreadsheet. At each correctly answered test question, a letter will appear. The letters spell out the question of asking or the answering.
  • Bake a key in a brownie or cake. Give the person being asked, or answered, the brownie or cake and a locked box. The key opens the box with the answer or asking inside.
  • For a guy asking a gal, give (have it doorbell ditched or left in the home) a doll with the note: How about getting all DOLLED up and going to the dance with me?
  • A note with a stuffed bear/gummy bears /cinnamon bears: “I’d be BEARY happy to go to the dance with you.” Or ‘I’d be BEARY happy if you would go to the dance with me.”
  • With a treat of any kind: “It would be a TREAT to go to the dance with you”, or “It would be a TREAT if you would go to the dance with me.”Candy bar poster to ask or answer. Candy in place of certain words on a poster.
  • Send the person being asked or answered on a scavenger hunt going thru a neighborhood, the mall or to different homes (be polite and prearrange with the people who are kind enough to be involved), gathering clues along the way with a treat and message at the end.

I have FREE PRINTABLE TAGS to help you ask, answer, and even say no if needed!  

AND A Dating Cheat Sheet HERE to help you remember all these tips for a super smooth date 🙂 

 

Saying NO – You can’t go

  • If you must say no to someone who asks, I recommend you do it in a kind way.  I have a few printables for that also.  
  • When you are asked by someone and maybe it’s not the person you wanted to, it’s a only right to say YES to the FIRST person who asks you (unless there is a very, very good reason not to).  

Why? 

Because it reflects on you and your character.  If you don’t, it would say to everyone that you are only interested in going out with popular people or being seen with a certain crowd.  This states loud and clear that you are shallow and immature.  While in fact you are limiting your circle of friends and possibly missing out on some amazing friendships that could last for years.  

I do have some tasteful and fun ways to say NO if you must, or if you have already been asked to the dance, in the download of printables.

Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2013, 2018

Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today.

Pictures courtesy of Pixabay

 




Wondering what to do on the date?  How to act at dinner, and the dreaded….conversation… head on over to part 2, then 3!

Part 2:  It’s Time For The Dance And Anxiety Has Arrived!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Part 3:  Help Me! It’s Time For The Dance, Now What Do I Do?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

More Teen Interests:

TEEN GROUP DATE & PARTY IDEAS

DATING CONVERSATION STARTER’S & WOW IDEAS

ARE WE ON A DATE?

TO DATE OR HANG OUT?

STORY ABOUT CHOOSE GOOD FRIENDS VS  ‘friends’ 

 




National Anti Abuse and Violence Awareness

Part 2 of Domestic Abuse or Violence

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National Anti Abuse and Violence Awareness

Anti Abuse and Violence Awareness and Prevention

 Part 2 of Domestic Abuse or Violence is a perfect topic for October, because it  is National Domestic and Abuse Awareness Month.

However, this is a topic to be address all year long – Every. Single. Day.

Why?

Every minute a child, a woman, a man is affected by this horrible circumstance at the hand of another.  This is part 2 in my series.  Remember that men, women and children can all victims.  Be aware of what others may be trying to tell you with words or actions as a cry for help.

To begin, continuing with information from the Multi Faith Leaders Conference, it is important to understand HOW a person gains control or exercises dominion over another. This chart helps explain how this is possible and the ways it can be done slowly over time also.  The language here is for a woman being abused, but remember that men are also and it is never ok, nor acceptable, in any form or manner.

Recognizing Power & Control vs. Equality Domestic Violence Wheels

Created by Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, Duluth, MN

When Violence IS Used

 Abuse 6

This is how a healthy NON VIOLENT Relationship SHOULD Work

Abuse 7

    If you suspect abuse who do you report to:

  • Any Law Enforcement Agency
  • Any Peace Officer
  • Nearest Division of Child and Family Services (DCFS) office

What do you report?:

  • Victim’s name
  • Victim’s age/date of birth (if known)
  • Victim’s current location
  • Victim’s home address (if known)
  • Allegation/concern

   ***It is very important to look after those who are vulnerable and cannot speak for them self; such as the very young, the elderly, etc. It is wise to use judgement when reporting an incident to have the facts and information so that the victim is not victimized more in the legal system or by the one(s) who are harming her in the first place. Some accusations or allegations generate cases that involve law enforcement, more than quickly than others might. These underlined types most often involve law enforcement.

  • Physical Abuse
  • Sexual Abuse/ Lewdness
  • Child Endangerment
  • Domestic Violence Related Child Abuse
  • Emotional Abuse
  • All Types of Neglect: Physical, Environmental, Medical, and Dental.

SIGNS

What can you look for if you suspect someone is being abused?

Signs of Physical Abuse

  • Unexplained burns, cuts, bruises or welts in the shape of an object (belt, stick, hand, etc.)
  • Bite marks
  • Anti-social behaviors
  • Won’t interact with others
  • Seems withdrawn
  • Problems in school
  • Displays fear of adults
  • Hyper-vigilance, shows characteristics of ADD/ADHD

Signs of Sexual Abuse

  • Inappropriate interest or knowledge of sexual acts.
  • Nightmares or Bedwetting
  • Drastic changes in appetite
  • Over-compliance (goes overboard in trying to please) or excessive aggression
  • Fear of a particular person or family member
  • Suddenly refuses to participate in physical activities
  • Becomes pregnant or contracts an STD (particularly under age 14)
  • Runs away
  • Seductive behaviors

 

Signs of Emotional Abuse

  • Apathetic or passive behaviors
  • Depression
  • Hostility or stress
  • Lack of concentration
  • Eating Disorders (severe weight loss or rapid weight gain)
  • Age inappropriate behaviors (parents other children or is extremely immature

 

Signs of Neglect

  • Unsuitable clothing for weather
  • Dirty or other hygiene issues
  • Extreme hunger
  • Apparent lack of supervision
  • Frequently misses school
  • Begs or steals food or money
  • Lacks needed medical or dental care




Environmental Neglect & Child Endangerment Includes

  • An environment that poses a threat to the physical health or safety of a child
  • Cited DUIs with children in the vehicle.
  •  Homes where there are lab paraphernalia, chemicals for manufacturing of illegal drugs, access to illegal drugs, distribution of illegal drugs in the presence of a child, or loaded weapons in the reach of the child.
  •  Giving children illegal drugs or substances, alcohol, tobacco, or non prescribed/ not recommended medications for that child.
  • Involving a child in the commission of crimes, such as shoplifting.

  It is so important that we are aware and looking out for those that we live by, associate with, go to school with, work with and that our kids play with.  We may be the ones that can make all the difference in the life of another.  There is a site, Loveisrespect that is a fabulous resource for a wide range of questions and information regarding those who are being abused and want help, those who want to help someone who they suspect/know someone is being abused, as well as those who are the abuser and want to quit. At the LOVEISRESPECT.org site, there is a Chat line.  A Text line.  A Call line. 

In fact, an amazing amount of knowledge to help you and others all at the Loveisrespect.org site, click HERE for a direct link 

Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2015, 2017

Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today 

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

  



National Anti Abuse and Violence Awareness

Is There Domestic Abuse or Violence In Your Life? Part 1

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National Anti Abuse and Violence Awareness

Anti Abuse and Violence Awareness and Prevention

Is There Domestic Abuse or Violence In Your Life? 

Do you know someone who is trapped in this cycle as the perpetrator or the victim? 

Once a month the ladies in my church, as well as all women in the area who are invited and welcome, get together to learn, socialize – and eat of course.

At one of the meetings we were presented the same information given at a Multi Faith Leaders Conference which was centered on Domestic Violence Training.

I found it so informative and pertinent, that I asked for permission to pass it onto you. 

Adding to what I was given and heard that night, I have also included other information I found while doing some research on this important subject.

I hope you will read it and pass it on to anyone and everyone you can. 

You never know who is suffering in silence and just does not have the information of where to turn for help.  Possibly you, or someone you know is the abuser and wants to change, there is also help.  This is the first in this series.

Men can be abused as well as women, and it should be taken very seriously as well. Women never, ever have the right to mistreat men physically, emotionally or verbally. “Man-bashing” is terrible in all its forms and is to be shunned. For this post, I will focus on women for ease in writing and for my purpose here.

Years ago, I was able to help with a service project, again with ladies in my church and women in my area, as we remodeled a room at our local YWCA.  We took a little tour before beginning the job of cleaning, painting and such. 

An aspect that very much surprised me, was learning that there were Domestic Violence Shelters known as “safe-houses”.  These safe-houses were available in the area for women who were were in a life-threatening situation and running from their husband or boy-friend.  They and their children could stay at this safe-house for a time and get help from police and others.

It had not occurred to me before that, how complex the woman’s choices would be when trying to leave an abusive situation; here are a few scenarios:

  1. If the woman seeks shelter from family or friends the partner can easily track her down – meaning she puts them in danger and she realizes this gamble.
  2. Running to a ‘safe-house’,  there may not be room for her, which is a risk, and she may be turned away.
  3. If she were to move to her own place that would require her own money and independence, which is not common in an abusive situation.
  4. An abuser can keep the woman so isolated that she knows no one to go to for help, or has been isolated from family, or shut herself off from loved ones.
  5. Many run to the streets, and there be abused and violated, as much or more, as they were at home.

 To begin this series we will address understanding what abuse is and how to recognize it.

CRITICAL POINTS OF ABUSE

Domestic violence is never acceptable, it is a crime.

  • It is never deserved
  • Never ok
  • Never asked for
  • Never to be tolerated

Domestic violence is preventable.
If we will be involved and watch out for others and what is going on around us, we can be instrumental in reporting if necessary, or at least offering support and relief to others when we can see they need help.

Victims/survivors are not to blame.
It is NEVER the fault of the wounded. No matter what they said or did, it was never deserved.

Perpetrators are responsible for their own actions.
We all come to this earth with personalities, strengths, weaknesses and tests to overcome. However I believe that each person (that are able minded of course) has a conscience of right and wrong; which includes how to correctly treat others. A person can control their actions and words and has the responsibility to do so.

 

RECOGNIZING TYPES OF ABUSE

Physical Abuse:    Everything from shoving to hitting

Emotional Abuse:     Isolating, threatening, name-calling, demeaning

Sexual Abuse:     Forcing unwanted sex acts, forcing to watch pornography, use sex to demean or control

Spiritual Abuse:     Using scripture, doctrine, or dogma to justify abuse and control

 

CONTRIBUTING TRIGGERS TO ABUSE

Certain outside forces can promote anger and other emotions in an abuser, such as:

  • Alcohol & Drug Abuse (6 in 10 abuse cases are affected by these)
  • Apartment Dwellers (when it is a small, cramped, no privacy or yard is a large initiator)
  • Financial Problems
  • Infidelity
  • Holidays
  • Uncontrolled Anger/Rage
  • Unmarried Partners with Prior Relationships (70%)
  • Untreated Mental Illness

 

RECOGNIZING WARNING SIGNS

Offenders May:

  • Appear attentive and protective…when actually being jealous and controlling
  • Make the decisions about how and when the family worships
  • Have a history of violent and abusive acts, such as destroying property, harming pets, etc.
  • Use the premise of the patriarchal role within the family to rationalize abusive behavior

 

Victims May:

  • Seem quiet, devoted and dutiful…but may actually feel frightened, and isolated because of threats and abusive behavior
  • Have injuries and/or illnesses which may increase in frequency and/or severity
  • Tend to minimize the situation
  • Feel uncomfortable and make excuses if you approach them about the abuse

 

RECOGNIZE FACTORS THAT PROMOTE OR FUEL BARRIERS HINDERING A WOMAN IN LEAVING AN ABUSIVE SITUATION, OR EVEN REPORTING IT

Here are some of the reasons a woman (or man) may not leave a situation of abuse, even when their life is in danger.  Frustrating as it may be to an outsider, it makes sense to the abused:

  • Children
  • Money/financial dependency
  • Need for companionship
  • Hopes abuse will stop- that abuser will change”
  • Commitment to relationship
  • LOVE (or what is construed as love)
  • Doesn’t want to feel like a failure. Guilt.
  • Stigma of divorce
  • Fear of being alone, doesn’t want to start over
  • Low self-esteem
  • The cycle of violence is familiar
  • The unknown is scarier than the known
  • Threats of suicide/harm/harassment by abuser
  • Pressure from or lack of support from family, friends or church
  • Wants to preserve reputation
  • Single parenting an unattractive alternative
  • Sex/affection is good some of the time
  • Apologies/crying from abuser
  • Lack of awareness that it’s ok to leave
  • Victim doesn’t recognize behavior as abuse
  • No support system
  • Nowhere else to go




THERE ARE RED FLAGS TO WATCH FOR IN A RELATIONSHIP

From LoveIsRespect.org: It’s not always easy to tell at the beginning of a relationship if it will become abusive.

In fact, many abusers may seem absolutely perfect on the surface — as if they are the dream partner — in the early stages of a relationship. Possessive and controlling behaviors don’t always appear overnight, but rather emerge and intensify as the relationship grows.

If you’re beginning to feel as if your partner or a loved one’s partner is becoming abusive, there are a few behaviors that you can look out for. Watch out for these red flags and if you’re experiencing one or more of them in your relationship, call The Hotline to talk about what’s going on:

  • Embarrassing or putting you down
  • Looking at you or acting in ways that scare you
  • Controlling who you see, where you go, or what you do
  • Keeping you or discouraging you from seeing your friends or families
  • Taking your money or refusing to give you money for expenses
  • Preventing you from making your own decisions
  • Telling you that you are a bad parent or threatening to harm or take away your children
  • Preventing you from working or attending school
  • Blaming you for the abuse, or acting like it’s not really happening
  • Destroying your property or threatening to hurt or kill your pets
  • Intimidating you  with guns, knives or other weapons
  • Shoving, slapping, choking or hitting you
  • Attempting to stop you from pressing charges
  • Threatening to commit suicide because of something you’ve done
  • Threatening to hurt or kill you
  • Pressuring you to have sex when you don’t want to or do things sexually you’re not comfortable with
  • Pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol
  • Preventing you from using birth control or pressuring you to become pregnant when you’re not ready

Domestic violence doesn’t look the same in every relationship because every relationship is different. But one thing most abusive relationships have in common is that the abusive partner does many different kinds of things to have more power and control over their partners.  If you’re concerned about some of these things happening in your relationship, please feel free to give us a call at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

 The National Domestic Violence site has many resources to help, click HERE for more information.

How can I help my Friend?  What if my friend is the Abuse and needs help? 

Click HERE for informationAbuse in all of its forms is hideous and does not have a place in a loving and caring home or relationship.

Too often a person may have grown up with the same treatment and thinks it is the way to act, or to be acted upon.  I will continue with this topic to give information and resources, in the hopes that suffering will stop, mistreatment and cruelty that has been perpetrated (even for generations) will cease, and coarse and harsh language and words in a relationship and family will stop all together.

Can you imagine the change if families only knew safety, love, righteous teachings and the path to true happiness?  We can find our way there, I know we can! Together, as we watch out to help others, then have the courage to do what is needed so peace, calm and joy can be in the life of every child, woman and man.

Copyright Carrie Groneman, A Mother’s Shadow, 2015, 2017

Recognize a blessing and be a blessing today